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Band 4

Celebrities are famous for their weath and glamorous lifestyles rather than their achievements. This sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with that idea?

#celebrities #weath #lifestyles #achievements #sets #people #idea
It cannot be argued that most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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celebrities
 are more famous for their glamour and wealth than
their
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for their
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 professional skills. It is
also
 not a good shape for young
people
 especially teenagers who are learning from their surroundings,
societies
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the societies
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 where they are living around. But it does not represent to whole celebrity community and there are a lot of
celebrities
 whose popularities are
exclusively
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exclusive
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 because of their own talent, ability and passion. We can easily see in our country,
for example
,
some
Correct word choice
that some
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celebrities
 are rapidly popular
in
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on
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 social media because of their weird words or actions that they have unintentionally taken in their online live stream.
People
 notice them because of their wealth, beauty or attracting posts
in
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on
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 social media and
then
 they become popular over the country. In reality, those
celebrities
’ achievements will not be maintained for
long
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a long
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 time. After peoples’ taste of entertainment is moving to another person, their popularity is like a
flesh light
Correct your spelling
fleshlight
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 which is only
longer
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long
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 for a short period. Some
celebrities
 are really
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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respectful in their professional skill and attitude. Their lives are built with Academy award milestones which were worthy given by audiences over the country. Those kinds of
celebrities
 are originally different
with
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from
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 ordinary
people
 and their profile is obviously distinguished among the
people
. And their famous and popularities are
also
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and proudly passed their lives until their old.
Therefore
,
reality
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the reality
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 is more perfect and
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
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long lasting
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long-lasting
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 in
human
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the human
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 world.
People
 are more valued
on
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in
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 honest and innocent manner. There may not be regret because of simplicity and
free
Replace the word
freedom
show examples
 from artful.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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