IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Government spends much money for education. More money should be spent for free time activities. To what extend do agree or disagree?

#government #money #education #time #activities
Education
 is one of the five basic needs of the human race. The government is bound to fulfil
this
 need.
However
, in recent years, non-curriculum activities have gained much importance for the cognitive improvement of the human race.
This
 report will present an argument in support of the government spending a higher amount of
money
 on
education
. Most people think that, among different fields which the authority is bound to look after, the
education
sector
 carries the most weight, because, it is the backbone of a nation and, the most significant factor in the development of a country.
For example
, some countries in Africa
lags
Correct subject-verb agreement
lag
show examples
 behind regarding
education
 and,
as a result
 ,their development runs at a slow pace.
Additionally
, allocating a good sum of cash for research purposes will open the door for modern technological invention, since many nations in the world are struggling in
this
 aspect for the scarcity of
money
. Though various activities people spend their free time on, like, cycling, singing, dancing, playing games and others bear a major significance, they still do not need much attention from the government,
due to
 the fact that non-government organizations can take care of it. If private companies are allowed to carry the burden of
this
sector
, they can perform up to the scale.
Consequently
,
this
sector
 will become a business
sector
, and people will have to expend more
money
.
As a result
, quality service will prevail. If we look at the developing countries in Europe as an example, we can see that, the majority of them have left
this
 matter in the
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 of non-governmental organizations and they are performing quite well. So, in the ,end it can be concluded that budget allocation in the
education
sector
 should always be greater in quantity. It can not afford to lose any of it
due to
 spending
money
 on free time activities which can easily be managed through private associations.
Submitted by dia_civil03 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported throughout the essay, providing a complete response to the task prompt.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task prompt, with relevant examples to support the arguments. However, the use of specific and relevant examples could be improved to enhance the overall task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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