IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people feel that the media has the strongest impact on people’s lives. Others feel that it is politicians who have the most control over the way people lives. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #media #impact #people’s #lives #politicians #control
someone
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that the biggest one which
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
people
 is the
media
, while other
people
 think
that is
 influential
politicians
. Both views will be discussed, and I believe that the former view would be more convincing. On the one hand, the
media
 would have the
power
 which can handle
people
.
First
, these days, we tend not to be able to live without the mass
media
. Not only the amount of
media
 but
also
 the number of
people
 exposed to it is significantly increasing.
Therefore
, it results in increasing
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
media
's influence.
For example
, we would face many kinds of advertisements. You might have some experience; you sing along to the song of the advertisement that you were exposed
repeatably
Change preposition
to repeatably
show examples
.
Secondly
, most
people
 would have a belief which is without a little doubt.
For instance
, there would be so much information, which is not proven, but the public believes it with little doubt.
Such
 situations can prove the
power
 of mass
media
.
On the other hand
, the more
power
 the
politicians
 have, the more impact their talk can have.
Firstly
, all the
people
 must follow the politics which
politicians
 make because it can be compulsory.
Therefore
, as
people
 can be controlled by it, it would have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 impact which cannot ignore. In the
second
 place,
such
 politics give
people
 a belief that it was proved through a series of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complex processes. it results in
people
 believing it and it causes the
power
 of
politicians
, as well. In conclusion, the
media
 would have a very strong influence which can handle
people
although
 the impact of
politicians
 is
also
 strong.
Thus
, I suppose that the
media
 would be the biggest effect on
people
’s lives.
Submitted by eomjimin0711 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: