An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Nowadays, it is true that the overweight

problem

Use synonyms

is increasing in a number of

children

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and for that

reason

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when they grow older it creates a difficult

problem

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for them both in terms of health and the health care system. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain why the case is so, and I will give some possible solutions to eliminate

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

very efficiently. On the one hand, there are many reasons why many

children

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face overweight difficulties. First and foremost,

due to

Linking Words

eating a high amount of fast

food

Use synonyms

along with

Linking Words

carbohydrates

food

Use synonyms

children

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are suffering from the overweight

problem

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and for that

reason

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, it is difficult for them to lose weight

and

Correct word choice

which

show examples

affects

negatively

Rephrase

apply

show examples

their health.

For example

Linking Words

, Chinese

food

Use synonyms

like "Chawmine" which is

Wrong verb form

liked

show examples

by billions of people and offsprings are eating a high amount of fast

food

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and later

Add a comma

on,

show examples

they face overweight and other diseases.

Secondly

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

less open space and parks,

children

Use synonyms

do not

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise

Use synonyms

and do yoga

day per day

Replace the word

on a daily

show examples

basis which is

also

Linking Words

another

reason

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for

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are some possible suggestions to fix

this

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issue more efficiently.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the government should

be built

Wrong verb form

build

show examples

more open spaces in both town and city areas, which help

children

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to do their

exercise

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properly and for that

reason

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, they can lose weight freely and do not need to check doctors for that.

For example

Linking Words

, building parks in

metropolis

Correct your spelling

metropolises

show examples

helps overweight offspring to do their

exercise

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regular

Correct article usage

a regular

show examples

basis.

Secondly

Linking Words

, parents should encourage their offspring to

take

Verb problem

eat

show examples

less amount of fast

food

Use synonyms

and eat a more healthy diet, which helps them to keep fit and strong. In conclusion,

due to

Linking Words

lack of

exercise

Use synonyms

and eating high amounts of carbohydrates

food

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children

Use synonyms

are suffering from overweight issues.

However

Linking Words

, opening more spaces by the authorities and

Linking Words

also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

encouraging students by their parents to eat more healthy foods

instead

Linking Words

of fast

food

Use synonyms

helps their offspring to be fit and stronger.

thespoof318

Aug 17, 2022

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task response

The essay demonstrates a basic level of understanding of the task, but some points are not fully developed or coherent enough. It is important to provide more comprehensive and fully developed ideas to support the arguments.

coherence cohesion

The essay shows some coherence and cohesion in the logical structure of paragraphs, but there are issues with the introduction and conclusion. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points and provide a strong foundation for the essay.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Men should go to work and women place is in the home. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Evil, wicked, spoiled.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other. To what extent do you agree with this idea ?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?