An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #care #costs

Nowadays, it is true that the overweight

problem

is increasing in a number of

children

and for that

reason

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when they grow older it creates a difficult

problem

for them both in terms of health and the health care system. In

this

essay, I will explain why the case is so, and I will give some possible solutions to eliminate

this

problem

very efficiently. On the one hand, there are many reasons why many

children

face overweight difficulties. First and foremost,

due to

eating a high amount of fast

food

along with

carbohydrates

food

children

are suffering from the overweight

problem

and for that

reason

, it is difficult for them to lose weight

and

Correct word choice

which

show examples

affects

negatively

Rephrase

apply

show examples

their health.

For example

, Chinese

food

like "Chawmine" which is

Wrong verb form

liked

show examples

by billions of people and offsprings are eating a high amount of fast

food

and later

Add a comma

on,

show examples

they face overweight and other diseases.

Secondly

due to

less open space and parks,

children

do not

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise

and do yoga

day per day

Replace the word

on a daily

show examples

basis which is

also

another

reason

for

this

problem

On the other hand

, there are some possible suggestions to fix

this

issue more efficiently.

Firstly

, the government should

be built

Wrong verb form

build

show examples

more open spaces in both town and city areas, which help

children

to do their

exercise

properly and for that

reason

, they can lose weight freely and do not need to check doctors for that.

For example

, building parks in

metropolis

Correct your spelling

metropolises

show examples

helps overweight offspring to do their

exercise

regular

Correct article usage

a regular

show examples

basis.

Secondly

, parents should encourage their offspring to

take

Verb problem

eat

show examples

less amount of fast

food

and eat a more healthy diet, which helps them to keep fit and strong. In conclusion,

due to

lack of

exercise

and eating high amounts of carbohydrates

food

children

are suffering from overweight issues.

However

, opening more spaces by the authorities and

also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

encouraging students by their parents to eat more healthy foods

instead

of fast

food

helps their offspring to be fit and stronger.

Submitted by thespoof318 on Wed Aug 17 2022

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task response

The essay demonstrates a basic level of understanding of the task, but some points are not fully developed or coherent enough. It is important to provide more comprehensive and fully developed ideas to support the arguments.

coherence cohesion

The essay shows some coherence and cohesion in the logical structure of paragraphs, but there are issues with the introduction and conclusion. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points and provide a strong foundation for the essay.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Most people in the world have to work to earn a living. However, many people work only for the financial gain that it involves, and not for any other rewards that a job can offer. What do you think the main consideration when deciding what job to take should be?

Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antartic. What are benefits or disadvantages for tourists visiting such places?

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local language. If these are not taught many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?