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Writing Samples
Band 4

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
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Over the years, television has become an essential item in modern-day homes.
That is
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 said, a certain segment of individuals argue that TV
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 becoming a threat to humans as they believe
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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 lazy individuals and isolated habitats. Though some people stand against
this
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 affirmation, I stand with the people who support
this
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 affirmation. The following paragraphs will analyze two factors which contribute to the ideology
as well as
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 my opinion.
To begin
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 with, lengthy programs which telecast over electromagnetic channels develop laziness in the human mind. When we compare the programmes which are currently on air, most of them keep running for
three-four
Correct your spelling
three
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 hours continuously preventing their audience
to do
Change preposition
from doing
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 anything
rather
Correct your spelling
other
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 than sitting in front of their television sets. What will happen if a person stays in one place for a broad period of time, will result in generating dull feelings in human mentality. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a number of examples that we can pick from the research which have been done all over the world.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will result to generate a number of health issues in the human body as well. So, it is clear TV makes individuals lazy.
Secondly
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, Social isolation is becoming a problem in many countries as their station spectators grow in numbers making the relationship between these two phenomena.
For instance
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, a recent report
submits
Wrong verb form
submitted
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 by
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Health Organization states, that almost 60% of people now suffer from social distancing and the main cause is higher addiction to TV sets.
In addition
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, now the Sri Lankan community suffers not only less happening of intercommunication between communities but
also
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 lesser communication in intrafamily as well.
To sum up
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 my writing, I reiterate we must prevent what is happening around us and we must control the habit of watching television for extended hours which makes us dull and less socialising.
Submitted by sprabasara on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness. Make sure to clearly state your position and provide a roadmap for the essay in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from better organization and logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear and logical structure, and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your points. Ensure that your examples are relevant and effectively illustrate your arguments.
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