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Band 4.5

Some peole say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#peole #music #people #cultures #ages
Expert has emphasized that
music
 unites people of different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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,
ethnicity
Correct word choice
and ethnicity
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 and
with
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apply
show examples
unique
Add an article
a unique
the unique
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 cultural
difference
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differences
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 to
came
Change the form of the verb
come
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 together as
one
 member.I hereby support
this
 idea and promptly list my reasons.
For instance
,
music
 is regarded as
stress
Add an article
a stress
show examples
 reliever by different
scientist
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scientists
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 and professors by giving you intense happiness and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of relaxation. It
also
 provides
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a way
show examples
away
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a way
show examples
 of communication
to
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with
show examples
 other people, its lyrics
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
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for instance
it
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apply
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directly
conveys
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convey
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massage
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a massage
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 to the listener
hence
 making him feel
joyfulness
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joy
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. Henceforth,
music
 brought
human
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humans
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 of all age groups together by involving
music
 classes and singing top celebrity songs.
Music
 on other hand made
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 individuals successful by working in
those industry
Change the determiner
that industry
those industries
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
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for instance
 Lady Gaga,
one
 of the most
well known
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well-known
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celebrity
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celebrities
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. Same sources
also
 indicate the side
effect
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effects
show examples
music
 has led to the society which made young immature
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teenagers
teenergers
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teenagers
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
depend on and make a living out of it. It
also
 led young adults to
listen
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tolisten
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 only
music
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to music
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 in high voices which
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in turn
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inturn
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in turn
show examples
 damages
there
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their
show examples
 delicate
organ
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organs
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 of hearing.
Music
 has
being
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been
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 recently used as
source
Add an article
a source
the source
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 of sexual leisure thereby depicting immoral behaviour to the
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community
communit
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community
 which
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in turn
show examples
inturn
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in turn
show examples
mislead
Correct subject-verb agreement
misleads
show examples
 the whole society
as
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at
show examples
 large.
This
 can be handled by the government butting
counter measures
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countermeasures
show examples
 to the institution and musical industries and putting them huge
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
Correct your spelling
not
to
or
ot
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or
 banning them. I hereby conclude by saying that
music
 and songs bring diverse categories of people to be under
one
 shade and practise to
one
 tone all at once.
Lets
Correct your spelling
Let's
show examples
 all smile under
one
 song.
Submitted by Abiche96 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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