IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, the population density of adolescents is much higher than the other age groups, especially the older people. This essay will first discuss about the advantages and, secondly, state some disadvantages of having less experienced people in a country.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently, the
population
Use synonyms
 density of adolescents is much higher than the other age groups, especially the elder
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms
 discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages and,
secondly
Linking Words
, state some drawbacks of having less experienced
people
Use synonyms
 in a
country
Use synonyms
. On the
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms
 hand, there are many advantages of a higher adolescent
population
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as power
generation
Use synonyms
 and increasing
population
Use synonyms
. The
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms
 pros are power
generation
Use synonyms
. Every
country
Use synonyms
 needs a robust
generation
Use synonyms
. A study carried out by CNN showed that a strong
generation
Use synonyms
 is key for the future. They increase the
country
Use synonyms
's economy by 30%. The
second
Linking Words
 advantage is the increasing
population
Use synonyms
. The
population
Use synonyms
 should increase to the developt
country
Use synonyms
's economy. An extensive survey conducted by CNBC revealed that the
population
Use synonyms
 must be increased to open new jobs and trading.
However
Linking Words
, there are many drawbacks of a higher adolescent
population
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as less experienced
people
Use synonyms
 and cannot
reaching
Change the verb form
reach
be reaching
show examples
 old
culture
Use synonyms
. The
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms
 Cons is less experienced
people
Use synonyms
. Every company needs expert
people
Use synonyms
 to increase the worth of the company. Research conducted recently indicated that getting increasing demand for old and experienced
people
Use synonyms
 for employment. The
second
Linking Words
 con is a cannot reach old
culture
Use synonyms
.
Culture
Use synonyms
 is the most significant thing for a
country
Use synonyms
. An extensive survey conducted by Harvard University revealed that old
culture
Use synonyms
 is disappearing cause of getting a decrease in the old
generation
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 would not know their
culture
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, There are numerous advantages and disadvantages of the high adolescent
population
Use synonyms
. Researchers suggested that if the old
generation
Use synonyms
 decreases it would have a bad influence economy and education.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: