IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays, the population density of adolescents is much higher than the other age groups, especially the older people. This essay will first discuss about the advantages and, secondly, state some disadvantages of having less experienced people in a country.

#population #density #adolescents #age #groups #people #first #country
Recently, the
population
 density of adolescents is much higher than the other age groups, especially the elder
people
.
This
 essay will
first
 discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages and,
secondly
, state some drawbacks of having less experienced
people
 in a
country
. On the
first
 hand, there are many advantages of a higher adolescent
population
such
 as power
generation
 and increasing
population
. The
first
 pros are power
generation
. Every
country
 needs a robust
generation
. A study carried out by CNN showed that a strong
generation
 is key for the future. They increase the
country
's economy by 30%. The
second
 advantage is the increasing
population
. The
population
 should increase to the developt
country
's economy. An extensive survey conducted by CNBC revealed that the
population
 must be increased to open new jobs and trading.
However
, there are many drawbacks of a higher adolescent
population
such
 as less experienced
people
 and cannot
reaching
Change the verb form
reach
be reaching
show examples
 old
culture
. The
first
 Cons is less experienced
people
. Every company needs expert
people
 to increase the worth of the company. Research conducted recently indicated that getting increasing demand for old and experienced
people
 for employment. The
second
 con is a cannot reach old
culture
.
Culture
 is the most significant thing for a
country
. An extensive survey conducted by Harvard University revealed that old
culture
 is disappearing cause of getting a decrease in the old
generation
,
therefore
people
 would not know their
culture
. In conclusion, There are numerous advantages and disadvantages of the high adolescent
population
. Researchers suggested that if the old
generation
 decreases it would have a bad influence economy and education.
Submitted by brsson06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: