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Band 5

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way that we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

#technology #work #places
In the modern era, many
office
Change to a plural noun
offices
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 would
done
Change the verb form
do
be done
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 their
work
 by the technical instrument and it is becoming so in my point of view , it is
a
Change the article
an
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 advantage for us and we should take benefit of it. The
first
 and foremost reason is that
work
 was done rapidly by the computer rather than the human due to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 speed ,
for example
,
last
 year, one research saw that A computer does the
work
 of ten men ,
as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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 companies get more benefit rather than in the past.
Moreover
 , people can save their golden time , which would use on other activity ,
for instance
 , employees
done
Wrong verb form
do
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 their
work
 before time so they can go pool , theatre and other accommodation in the Google office ,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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 it
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
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 the worker's mind .
Furthermore
, they do their
work
 with advanced technology , which helps to improve their skills
such
 as
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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, what
develop
Change the verb form
develops
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day
 by
day
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 new ,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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 users get
new
Add an article
the new
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 system so that they have to learn about it.
On the other hand
, it impacts on our body like eye problem , due to whole
day
 works on technical devices ,
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
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 we cannot see properly without spectacles.
secondly
, workers are becoming lazier
day
 to
day
 due to the advancement of science
such
 as they do less
work
 so some
are face
Change the verb form
are facing
show examples
 a thickness. In conclusion, I think technology is important for us but we do not totally depend on it. We should use it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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when we need it.
Submitted by ssangani6161 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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