Many children nowadays are spending more and more time inside rather than outside. Is this a positive or negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your knowledge or experience
Some
sociality
Correct your spelling
socialists
argues
that children may spend their time on indoor activities Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
instead
of going out. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
this
essay Linking Words
would
discuss and explain the impact Wrong verb form
will
why
Change preposition
of why
childhood
should prefer outdoor exercise.
One of the main reasons why juveniles might prefer to stay in their home rather than have an outdoor activity is Replace the word
children
due to
technological gadgets. They tend to play video games, chat with their classmate online Linking Words
as well as
watch Linking Words
favourite
movies. Correct pronoun usage
their favourite
In
Change preposition
This
this
situation, Linking Words
it
could impact their mental disorder in Correct pronoun usage
apply
a
long term, especially Correct article usage
the
on
Change preposition
in
emotional
and concentration, pessimistic, and Replace the word
emotions
might
Verb problem
apply
slightly
depression. Change the word
slight
Additionally
, these lead to injurious social impacts Linking Words
such
as suicide or harmful influence causes.
Linking Words
Furthermore
, one another supports ideas that are lacking in building relationships with sociality, Linking Words
for example
, family and friends. Linking Words
Teenage
who are using various times in the virtual world. It may have a problem in the future Correct your spelling
Teenagers
due to
lack of communication and trend Linking Words
too
has an anti-social behaviour. Replace the word
to
Moreover
, some Linking Words
report
showed that the vast majority of Fix the agreement mistake
reports
crime
committed by children Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
was
carried out by truants and bellicose Correct subject-verb agreement
were
habit
. Having extrovert movement and Fix the agreement mistake
habits
opening
Wrong verb form
an open
the
attitude might Correct article usage
apply
be tackled
problems. Wrong verb form
tackle
As a result
, it is supporting the idea of why outdoor events are preferable.
Linking Words
Finally
, the previous paragraphs Linking Words
are indicated
various reasons not to ignore a lonesome event. Wrong verb form
indicate
To sum up
, I personally believe that having isolated action could be harmful to offspring. It is predicted that to continue in Linking Words
this
activity, it will Linking Words
be faced
various illnesses and psychological problems in the future.Wrong verb form
face
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Ensure that the content flows in a logical manner, with clear connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a strong introduction that outlines the main points and a conclusion that summarizes the key arguments.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and detailed examples to support the main points. This will strengthen the overall argument and make it more convincing.