Many children nowadays are spending more and more time inside rather than outside. Is this a positive or negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your knowledge or experience

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Some
sociality
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socialists
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argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
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that children may spend their time on indoor activities
instead
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of going out.
Therefore
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,
this
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essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
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discuss and explain the impact
why
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of why
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childhood
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children
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should prefer outdoor exercise. One of the main reasons why juveniles might prefer to stay in their home rather than have an outdoor activity is
due to
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technological gadgets. They tend to play video games, chat with their classmate online
as well as
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watch
favourite
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their favourite
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movies.
In
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This
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this
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situation,
it
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apply
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could impact their mental disorder in
a
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the
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long term, especially
on
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in
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emotional
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emotions
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and concentration, pessimistic, and
might
Verb problem
apply
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slightly
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slight
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depression.
Additionally
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, these lead to injurious social impacts
such
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as suicide or harmful influence causes.
Furthermore
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, one another supports ideas that are lacking in building relationships with sociality,
for example
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, family and friends.
Teenage
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Teenagers
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who are using various times in the virtual world. It may have a problem in the future
due to
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lack of communication and trend
too
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to
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has an anti-social behaviour.
Moreover
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, some
report
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reports
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showed that the vast majority of
crime
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crimes
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committed by children
was
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were
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carried out by truants and bellicose
habit
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habits
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. Having extrovert movement and
opening
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an open
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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attitude might
be tackled
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tackle
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problems.
As a result
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, it is supporting the idea of why outdoor events are preferable.
Finally
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, the previous paragraphs
are indicated
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indicate
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various reasons not to ignore a lonesome event.
To sum up
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, I personally believe that having isolated action could be harmful to offspring. It is predicted that to continue in
this
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activity, it will
be faced
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face
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various illnesses and psychological problems in the future.
Submitted by sirapat.sf1 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Ensure that the content flows in a logical manner, with clear connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a strong introduction that outlines the main points and a conclusion that summarizes the key arguments.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and detailed examples to support the main points. This will strengthen the overall argument and make it more convincing.
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