IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Others believe that this is an unacceptable policy. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #universities #numbers #students #policy
Nowadays, people have different standpoints about whether the number of opposite
genders
 approved by universities should be separately equal or not. I reckon
although
 some think that the equality of
both
genders
 is meaningless, others, including myself, believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approving
both
genders
 in equivalent
size
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to be efficient. On the one hand, in light of the
size
 of the contrast
genders
 appears to be a practical path to respect
both
genders
 while conceding them to the
university
. More importantly, discriminating
genders
Change preposition
against genders
show examples
 based on the number is not acceptable in universities.
For example
, in
ethics
Add a comma
,ethics
show examples
 the virtuous person should not commit
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
discrimination.
Moreover
,
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
show examples
 variety of universities cannot abide
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
discriminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
 equality.
On the other hand
, the idea of
inequal
Correct your spelling
unequal
show examples
 numbers of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male and female students or giving priority to the numbers of
single
Add a hyphen
single-gender
show examples
gender
 can cause inordinate problems.
This
 means that the environment of
university
 classes can be disfigured by the male figures as the females seemed to
be not existed
Change to the active voice
do not exist
have not existed
show examples
.
For example
, suppose that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most male members are prone to uttering vulgar words
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
 other in a single room if the contrast
gender
 does not introduce.
Consequently
,
prevalence
Add an article
the prevalence
show examples
 of
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
gender
 provokes contaminates the environment of the
university
.
Furthermore
,
disappearing
Correct article usage
the disappearing
show examples
 male
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big issues so that the
university
 cannot possess
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vast development. In conclusion,
although
 the distinctive
size
 of one
gender
 can spark some unprevented issues, the equal
size
 of
both
 opposite
genders
 positively contributes to the compact problem but
relevant
Add a missing verb
is relevant
show examples
 to the code of conduct.
Submitted by unalhuseynli2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: