IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Do children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded?

#children
Children
 are the future of our upcoming generation.Their upbringing plays a very important role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.It is often suggested that physically hitting or punishing a child helps him or her to behave correctly.According to my opinion,it does create a lot of issues in their growing phase as I will explain.
Children
 are like soil.They can always be moulded and grown in a way the adults want them to be.
However
, a recent survey claimed that
children
 who are physically punished and penalised
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence.
This
 is mostly because fear develops inside them
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 action.
On the contrary
,
children
 who
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 more
appreciations
Fix the agreement mistake
appreciation
show examples
 for their actions learn faster. Some
children
 are very notorious and ferocious in nature.
As a result
,they are not obedient to the commands given by their parents.Their stubbornness increases with the kind words used by the adults.
This
 category
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more likely to be physically penalized.Eventually,no other means but making them scared keeps them obedient and calm.
Therefore
,an optimum balance in punitive actions should be taken for the kids who are extremely aggressive and disobedient at the same time.
Although
,appreciating and counselling younger ones has always been the best method to improvise their etiquettes and manners.Adults being more
matured
Wrong verb form
mature
show examples
 must treat their
children
 in an appropriate way.They must always be patient
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them and keep in mind that humbleness never goes
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 waste.
Submitted by Ananya Saha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: