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Band 4.5

Many Children nowadays are spending more and more time inside rather than outside. Is this a positive or negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your knowledge or experience.

#children #time #trend
Recently,
children
 find themselves happier alone, rather than spending time playing with friends.
This
 trend has both advantages as well as disadvantages. According to my ,
knowledge
Add a comma
,knowledge
show examples
 I think, growing
children
 should not be trapped
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
, they need to play outdoor and get along with different types of individuals.
To begin
, the technological advances in the field of animation and virtual gaming have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
proved successful in attracting school-aged individuals.
For example
, computer
games
such
 as Grand auto theft, Freefire and many more
games
 have extremely good animations due to which the players get real-life experience and absolute entertainment. These animes have created a state of addiction in many of the students, which has made them uninterested in playing outdoor
games
.
However
, parents nowadays feel more secure and intended when their pupils play inside the home, due to increasing cases of child abduction and human trafficking. To illustrate, many underaged pals rescued from mining and factories were the missing
children
 from some other part of the country, belonging to the rich communities.
Moreover
, the rising pandemic has proved again that interior
games
 are the safest. To conclude, the demerits of 'home alone' outweighs the merits, due to growth factors in growing people.
Vitamin '
Change noun form
Vitamin
show examples
D' which is mainly obtained by sun bath is the major factor whose deficiency compromises the immunity of indwelling
children
.
Submitted by rakshithahswamy96 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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