IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems Do you agree or disagree?

#diet #meat #health
Choosing a particular type and quality of
food
 has become an important aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 human life as it has
enticing
Correct article usage
the enticing
show examples
 benefits of providing sufficient vitamins. The question of whether
including
Change the verb form
to include
show examples
meat
 in
food
 or should strictly adhere to
vegetarian
Add an article
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
 has been a perennial topic of discussion.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 notion and will discuss the advantages of following
vegetarian
Add an article
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
 in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, vegetarian
food
 helps us to achieve a well-balanced
diet
. If we carefully observe the biological cycle of a plant or a tree, we can understand the process of how it acquires nutrients. A plant receives nutrients naturally in the form of sunlight and water, which on
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 by us can directly provide the required vitamins and minerals.
Moreover
, we can
also
 include various types of plant products
such
 as leaves, fruits, naturally secreted oils and many more.
For example
, a coconut which contains abundant minerals is naturally formed.
Secondly
, the
Add a hyphen
over-exploitation
show examples
over exploitation
Add a hyphen
over-exploitation
show examples
 of animals can be regulated by following a vegetarian
diet
. Nowadays, due to the soaring demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
meat
 products, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private companies are butchering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals on a large scale without even following the legislative rules.
Furthermore
, the bulk
meat
 is being processed in uncleaned factories and stored for many days by adding preservatives.
As a result
, it becomes the main source of diseases that soon gets transferred to humans when consumed.
For example
, due to the emergence of technology over the
last
 two decades, most companies are injecting chemicals
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
meat
 for longer preservation. Even
Correct article usage
the Corona
show examples
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
 is said to be originated
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 consuming bats in some parts of China. In conclusion,
meat
 should not be included in our
food
 as a well-balanced
diet
 can be easily achieved by consuming strict vegetarian
food
.
Submitted by ppssandeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: