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Band 4.5

Government give lots of support to artists, even though some people believe it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#government #lots #support #artists #people #waste #money
These days the
Government
 is giving a lot of attention to
artists
However
 there are predominantly two contrasting views where a section of society vehemently deems that spending a lot of money on supporting
artists
 is not useful
while
 another emphasizes that it is a positive step taken by higher authorities. Apparently, Various factors make a section of people advocate that giving too much support to
artists
 are waste of money and they have reasons to substantiate it. First and foremost, education is a basic need in
underdeveloping
Replace the word
underdeveloped
show examples
 countries.
For example
, in Pakistan lot of remote areas ,still there is a lack of primary schools, if there is any institute available it is only for male students.
Secondly
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 needs to focus on job creation and establishing industry, our new generation who are graduating from universities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 facing unemployment and they are going into depression.
On the other hand
, some believe that supporting cultural activities and their owners is a positive movement for myriad reasons. Chiefly, people related to
this
 profession are spending their time and energy
to entertain
Change the verb form
entertaining
show examples
 others to forget their daily routine job and stress, to continue
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same profession need financial help and motivation which
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 is providing.
Furthermore
,
this
 is the modern era and people are spending most of their free time watching social media networks so we need good professionals who can teach our children in an entertaining way.
Additionally
, it is creating jobs in different areas and opening paths for new generations to show themself and adopt them as professional careers. In my profound opinion, despite all the positive aspects of supporting
artists
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should focus on basic needs
such
 as Education,
Healthy
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
, and Unemployment to improve the lifestyle of society.
Submitted by fysl.iqbal on

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task response
Ensure that you address all aspects of the essay question clearly and provide a balanced view in the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has clear and organized paragraphing. Connect your ideas logically to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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