IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays people depend on technology for leisure activities. Is this a positive or negative development ?

#people #technology #leisure #activities #development
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In
this
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 day and age, there is a controversial idea heating a debate over the dependence of individuals
in
Change preposition
on
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 machines for entertainment actions. In my opinion, I consider myself
as
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apply
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a contradictor with
this
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 issue, but it is still proper to some extent. Without a shadow of a doubt, in lieu of going out to have leisure pursuits, people using
high tech
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high-tech
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 equipment will have some downside impacts, especially
in
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on
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 their
health
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. When using those machines, they often stay at home and do not have any activities which often strengthen their
health
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, if they keep
this
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 habit for a long time, it will contribute to some dire issues.
For instance
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, recently the percentage of citizens coming down with obesity is much more than before, undoubtedly, the great contributor is their habit of using technology for entertainment.
Hence
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, it is irrefutable to note that people
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
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 on
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
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 gizmos will wreak havoc on their
health
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. While the
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 impacts of
this
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 matter are widely acknowledged, it still brings some merits if
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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use
it
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apply
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properly. It is clear to see that almost everyone nowadays regularly owns a smartphone which is
also
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 the most common equipment for leisure activities.
This
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 machine is
of
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apply
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convenience
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convenient
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 and they can use it for amusement whenever they want.
Moreover
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,
dwellers
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,dwellers
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 these days are more and more
busiers
Correct your spelling
busier
buyers
 than before, so hanging out will take them too much time compared to using technology.
For example
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,
instead
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 of spending time crawling on the road to go to the place they want,
by
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with
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 a click on their smartphone they can connect to the internet and enjoy fast entertainment
by
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via
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 youtube or tik tok.
Therefore
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, undoubtedly technology will stand them
a
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apply
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good stead in amusement. In conclusion, even when people depend heavily on
high tech
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high-tech
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equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 lead to some problems in their
health
Use synonyms
, those techniques are still useful in some situations.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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