IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

young people know about international pop and movie stars but know less about famous historical people. what are the reasons of this trend and what can be done to solve this problem?

#people #pop #movie #stars #trend
Young
people
 today are more aware of the latest fashion and often see movie and pop stars as their role models. Adulation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media influencers is
also
 common these days as smartphones and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 are easily accessible to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers. In
this
 race of being more fashionable, children seem to care a lot less about the historical personalities and the sacrifices they made.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life in the twentieth century is way more comfortable than it used to be before, so retrospecting on the challenges faced and overcome by our ancestors is not something of a leisure activity for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teens.
Instead
, they look forward to the future and try to be up-to-date with the latest
Correct your spelling
phenomena
phenomina
Correct your spelling
phenomena
.
Secondly
, most of the young folks do not
seem
Add the particle
toseem
show examples
 have the right knowledge of history as it is deemed as one of the most uninteresting subjects at school. If the students are not able to relate
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the events of a certain era,
then
 they are unlikely to find the ideals from that time.
Finally
, a fair share of credit
also
 goes to movies, songs, and advertisements, which tend to present
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities as the epitome of style.
For instance
, it is very common for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers to copy the hairstyle worn by a
popstar
Correct your spelling
pop star
show examples
 in a certain music video. Peer pressure and the fear of
laggining
Correct your spelling
lagging
 behind make them more curious to learn about the stars of current times.
Although
, there is nothing wrong
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 following your favourite hip-hop stars and influencers on social media,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is
also
 important to have some information about the historical figures. Government can play an important role here to encourage
people
 to celebrate the historical events, which will make their children more aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
people
 involved in them. Another way can be to encourage the young folks to read the biographies of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important
people
 where they can learn about the influence they had on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by cooljumpin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: