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Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Today, with more and more advances including farmer's skills, the help of technology in
agriculture
 plays a crucial role in providing
food
 for
people
 around the world.
However
,
people
 still suffer from
hunger
, as we shall see.
To begin
 with, there are undeveloped
countries
 that still cultivate plants and raise cattle, and poultry in conventional ways without innovative technology.
This
 is because of the lack of budget for investing in advanced machines for
agriculture
 and outdated farming methods.
Therefore
,
people
 in these
countries
 lack basic
food
 on an international scale.
In addition
, in
almost
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
countries
such
 as developed and developing
countries
, both
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
 are running and focus a lot on industry and service since it increases the economy dramatically than
agriculture
.
Finally
, only some Asian and African
countries
 see
agriculture
 as the main source of income so it is easy to understand why
hunger
 in the world is a big problem.
Furthermore
, governments should experiment with solutions to decrease international problems. To be more precise, one of the reasons for
people
 going hungry is because of overpopulation and high unemployment rates in the country. Generally, governments need to raise
people
's awareness about family planning and create opportunities as much as possible for unemployed and homeless
people
 to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a living and avoid
hunger
 in the country. In short, it is true that
food
 is the basic to help
people
 live on
this
 earth and it needs to provide
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone. With the efforts of society and governments about
hunger
, we need to be aware of the importance and value of
food
 to help us survive in
this
 world.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak; the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The response to the essay question is somewhat complete but lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. The examples are somewhat relevant.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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