IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In most countries, multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This tread is seriously damaging our quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #companies #products #tread #quality #life
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Nowadays, international firms and their product has become more significant than ever in lots of lands. It is thought
this
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 trend
treats
Verb problem
affects
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 our quality of life.
Therefore
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, I would argue that
this
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 tendency both for local producers
as well as
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 those who consume
this
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 product will highly likely affect negatively.
Firstly
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, increasing demand for international
products
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 will decrease the needs of
the
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apply
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local firms.
In other words
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, if domestic fruits can not be sold , local workers will become poor and
then
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 will need aid from the local authorities. Local farmers,
for instance
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, who grow natural
products
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 will stop growing them which are an invaluable source of our healthy diet.
Hence
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, international businesses are an utterly negative trend for both local producers and people who consume their
products
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.
Secondly
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, in terms of safety, most imports can not be controlled effectively.
That is
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 to say, most
products
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 which come from overseas without any check,whether the quality or the quantity can come easily to our shelves. China can be a good example where their
products
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 are sold hugely all around the world ,
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however
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however,
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 there is no authority controlling their product properly.
Consequently
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,
the
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apply
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awareness should be focused on control mechanisms in order to have a better
safe
Correct word choice
safer
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 life. In conclusion, it seems to me that I completely agree with
this
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 statement of harming our life by international commercing. In spite of globalisation, we are facing a huge threat which is generated by global
products
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 and
this
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 movement is either to consumer or local commerce can be threatened.
Submitted by cmnr3134 on

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task response advice
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents relevant points. However, ensure that your arguments directly address the question prompt and stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion advice
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the ideas are presented in a logical sequence. Work on improving the logical flow within paragraphs and ensure that each point supports the overall argument effectively.
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