IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that school children should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #uniform #clothes
The opinion that
school
children
 should be made to wear a
uniform
 is based on the belief
school
 administrators hold, who see wearing a
uniform
 as an important way for
students
 to build an identity sense in the
school
.
Furthermore
, wearing the
uniform
 can improve
students
' obedience to
school
 disciplines, which will reduce the cost of management in
school
. All of these thoughts may be supported by a psychological theory that already is applied in the armies of every country.
Thus
 they may require the
students
 to wear uniforms in
school
.
On the other hand
, others would argue that
students
 should be free to choose their own
clothes
, and
this
 belief may be supported by most
students
 because it gives
students
 more space to convey their attitude through
clothes
. Some educational experts may
also
 support
this
 view because their expectation of education is to help
children
 develop their personality fully. So they would encourage
students
 to wear their own
clothes
 to
school
. In my view, the fundamental difference between these two opinions exists on whether you see education as a way to cultivate
students
 as a
person
, or as a tool. While the opinion that
students
 should wear uniforms
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
show examples
children
 as a tool, the other one sees
students
 as a
person
. I would support the latter because I see
children
 as a
person
.
As
Correct your spelling
A
show examples
Add an article
a
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
person
, we would make mistakes,
however
,
also
 full of creation.
For example
, The
students
 who study in a free clothing
school
 will have more chances to learn how to wear beautifully, so that it may be easier for them to find a job as a fashion designer, while a student who studies in a
uniform
school
 may lack
such
 chances. Another instance is me, who grew up in a
school
 that required me to wear a
uniform
. I feel boring every day when I wear the same cloth to
school
, and I really admire the
students
 who do not need to wear uniforms every day.
This
 is the reason why I don't argue against the
uniform
 theory. To conclude, I think schools should respect the
students
' personality and give them more chance to develop innovation, giving them space to wear their own
clothes
 is a good starting point.
Submitted by YOLKIER on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: