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Band 5.5

Some people consider that the education which is come from school is more important than learning in the family. Other people think the opposite way. Discuss both sides and give examples.

Some
people
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 think that the
education
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 which comes from schooling is more important than the
education
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 which comes from family. Both of them have negative and positive sides and these will be discussed below.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that every individual start learning in their families. The
first
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 word that comes from a person’s mouth can countable as a
first
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 step which is taken into educational
life
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. Some parameters are essential to
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 an educational
life
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such
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 as communication with others and gaining a moral outlook. Those components can be provided only by parents. Throughout,
people
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 learn how to talk and behave to other
people
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 in the core family.
Then
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, the communication web starts to grow with extended
family
Change the noun form
families
show examples
such
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 as uncles and cousins.
However
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, the origin
that is
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 taken from family is not enough all by itself.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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 which is come from schooling is the way to build a career. Even though a person has conscious of moral or excellent communication skills, it might not enough to be successful in his/her
life
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.
For instance
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, a student who wants to become an engineer should reach some knowledge about some topics
such
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 as math
thus
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this
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 person can reach her/his goal.
The educational
Correct article usage
Educational
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life
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 is crucial to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a bright future.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, it is obvious that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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 takes origin from schooling or family and both components are crucial and essential.
People
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 start to learn in their families.
However
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, there would be no meaning if
people
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 won’t continue to improve themself with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 schooling.

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