IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree.

#children #exercise #responsibility #parents #schools #waste #school #time #sports #lessons #part #curriculum
In the present day, with the fast-paced culture and development of technology, and everything becoming more convenient, most people including
children
 do not really have
time
 and motivation to do physical exercise. Some schools provide physical education subjects to make sure the students are having regular exercise. But some people believe that the subject is not important and only a
time-waste
Correct your spelling
time waste
show examples
, because
parents
 should be the ones who are responsible for ensuring that their
children
 are exercising regularly. I personally disagree with
this
 statement.
Firstly
, physical education in schools is an important subject because
children
 will able to learn
sports
 theoretically and practically. Other than that, PE can be a refreshment for
children
 after they spend most of their
time
 in the classroom studying.
Additionally
, during
sports
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
, students can learn how to socialize with each other as they have more free
time
 and free space rather than in the classroom, and
also
 they can learn about solidarity and how to play a fair game.
However
,
parents
 are
also
 responsible for
children
's activity and need to make sure that their daily physical activity is enough. One of the practical ways for that is by planning exercise together once a week during the weekend. By exercising or doing physical activities together,
children
 and
parents
 can bond more as they have quality
time
 together.
Moreover
, it will
also
 make the
parents
 healthy. In conclusion, in my opinion,
sports
 lessons during school are important because they can help
children
 to develop more, and
parents
also
 need to ensure that their kids are exercising enough by doing
sports
 together.
Submitted by rlsk.2899 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the question and outlines your position.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth progression of ideas and clear logical structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your main points and strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay's main points and restates your position without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • inclination
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • cooperation
  • academic time
  • intellectual development
  • after-school activities
  • relegated
  • family bond
  • supervised
  • well-being
  • equipment
  • expertise
  • professional physical education teachers
  • safe and beneficial
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!