IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people complain about stress at work. How can employers reduce stress at work and what can employees do on their own to solve this problem?

#people #stress #work #employers #employees
In the cutting - age , everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a busy
sedual
Correct your spelling
sexual
 so they cannot
take-out
Correct your spelling
take out
show examples
 the time for their own
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and
also
 they do
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a job under pressure.
Sometime
Replace the word
Sometimes
show examples
 people argue that they cannot do
work
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress and
this
 essay explains problems and gives solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 statement.
First
 of all , people should do less than one profession because if they
work
 more than that , they will invite frustration , worry and other
mind
Replace the word
mental
show examples
 diseases ,
for instance
 , a number of famous motivation
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 say that we should focus only
our
Change preposition
on our
show examples
 aims ,
consequently
 , they will get flooded bucks rather than a job.
Furthermore
 ,
numorous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 people are running for the capital
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the reason they cannot live their life in the proper way ,
such
 as , many
businessman
Change to a plural noun
businessmen
show examples
 do not leave the chair , due to the
temtation
Correct your spelling
temptation
,
therefore
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 the later life stressful.
On the other hand
 ,
companies
 should provide
Add an article
a discount
show examples
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
 , which can help them to reduce
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress during
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
commercial
work
 ,
for example
 , a number of prestigious
companies
 give time off to
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 from the
work
 ,
consequently
 , it will increase the
work
 speed and they will get better performance rather than in the past.
Moreover
 , every month should
organized
Change the verb form
organize
show examples
 the program by
companies
 , where they must respect the action person that impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other and try to do more
work
 ,
for example
 , many
companies
 organize
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 annual function , where they provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
award to workers , who
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 their hard for the industry. In conclusion , many
industry
Change to a plural noun
industries
show examples
 should take care of them , Which can help
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 to decrease the rate of employee migration ,
in addition
 , they will increase rapidly income of factory.
Submitted by ssangani6161 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: