Some people think woman should be allowed to join the army, the Navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it has been a subject of debate if equal employment opportunities should be accorded the
woman
folk in the military sector. Fix the agreement mistake
women
However
, in
my perspective, I completely Change preposition
from
agreed
with the theme and Wrong verb form
agree
also
Rephrase
apply
this
essay will further
explain my stand in the subsequent paragraphs.
First of all, every individual has the right to work in different fields of life irrespective of their
gender status ,in as much Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
meet Correct word choice
as they
up with
the requirements and military institutions are no exception. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, denial will amount to an abuse of fundamental rights and a great setback for the fight against gender inequality. For instance
, girls have shown
to perform excellently in university in most examinations than men. Add a missing verb
been shown
Thus
, attention should be on what each applicant has to offer than
the sex.
Rephrase
rather than
Secondly
, ladies are known to be better dedicated and have a high tendency to perform at a given task. For example
, in Nigeria during the struggle for independence from the British, there were women who fought alongside males to get us the freedom we enjoy today. Mrs Agage and Rotimi showed great resilience and even reported being assigned to the more difficult tasks which they achieved successfully. That is
to ,say they were able to prove that being a woman doesn't make one a lesser being.
On the other hand
, although
, the other individuals disagreed with the notion because they considered the defence job as being tedious, hence
, it should be reserved for boys. Besides
, there are more women that
have been reported to be stronger than guys. Correct pronoun usage
who
Lastly
,girls have been known to be tenacious, energetic, and dedicated and some have been reported to show character more in handling difficult tasks as gentlemen oftentimes they exceeded beyond par. Subsequently
, gender should not be a barrier or tool to deny girls folk a career in the defences sectors
, rather than the competency of an individual applicant.Fix the agreement mistake
defence sector
Submitted by aimoshood on
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task response
Improve task response by addressing the specific extent to which you agree or disagree with the prompt, and by providing a clear position in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by structuring your essay with clear paragraphs and linking words to connect ideas and support the development of your arguments.
