IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to modernization and change in living styles,
people
Use synonyms
 are buying more packed
food
Use synonyms
 to eat
instead
Linking Words
 of fresh
food
Use synonyms
. All these processed
items
Use synonyms
 are rich in calories which are causing a lot of health issues like obesity and cholesterol. So, according to some
people
Use synonyms
, these
items
Use synonyms
 should be costlier than others to discourage them from buying,
however
Linking Words
, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I shall explain my point of view in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Increasing the price of
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 which have high sugar content is not the best way to avoid
people
Use synonyms
 from using them.
This
Linking Words
 will only impact the economy and
people
Use synonyms
 will still buy it if they want to have it.
Companies
Use synonyms
 add extra sweeteners to enhance their taste and to increase its sale. So, the government should set a mark about how much sweetener needs to be added and need to do regular check-ups to ensure the quality.
For Instance
Linking Words
, In a Beverage company, the government can check regularly to avoid extra sugar in their concentrate.
This
Linking Words
 way, a person can eat it and will not get suffered from weight gain and other heart issues.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Discouraging
people
Use synonyms
 will ultimately cause a huge loss to the manufacturing sector.
Companies
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of amount on the production of
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
. So, they will face financial loss.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
companies
Use synonyms
 provide employment to many
people
Use synonyms
 and if these
companies
Use synonyms
 will not be able to make a profit by selling
items
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 the employees have to face the consequences.
For Example
Linking Words
, Lately, one of
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 plants of Pepsico was shut down due to a technical issue and the company fired its workers as they are not able to make money.
Instead
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should be couraged to do physical exercise and yoga to remain fit. So, in
this
Linking Words
 ,way individuals can enjoy having packed
food
Use synonyms
 by keeping themselves fit. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that health is a major concern, so
companies
Use synonyms
 should limit the usage of sugar in their
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 and authorities should ensure it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have to put effort to remain healthy by doing exercise.
Submitted by shikha_dhingra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: