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Band 4.5

It is often said that we should work to live, not live to work. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#work #points
Nowadays, a
work
-
life
 correlation has been a controversial debate in society about whether we
work
 to live or we live in order to
work
.
However
, I would argue that
work
 is a tool we might carry our
life
 without it, but
life
 should be thinking
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
 about it.
This
 essay will discuss both views
as well as
 give my humble opinion. First of all, these days money plays a crucial role in order to
continue feeding
Wrong verb form
feed
show examples
 ourselves.
This
 means, that if you do not have economic independence
life
 can not be performed. A recent study shows that every day some inhabitants lose their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
due to
 famine.
Hence
, if individuals want to survive in our days they must have income in order to be fed.
On the other hand
, in the contemporary era people's thoughts have changed and these days more and more people are thinking about their well-being.
That is
 to say, we have a short-term
life
 expectancy and
this
 time should be spent not only working to make money but
also
this
 is so significant, have a
life
better
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
full of joy and happiness.
This
 motto has been adopted by the new generation. In conclusion, different ideas can bring different considerations,
work
-
life
 balance has been considered by many individuals whether which side is more important or less significant. I would say that and
this
 is my slogan, even though living without
work
 can be hard, my
opine
Correct your spelling
opinion
show examples
 is
life
 should be the first consideration to think about
that is
 to say we weren't born for
work
.
Submitted by cmnr3134 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and presents relevant points from both viewpoints. Ensure to support your points with more specific examples and elaborate on your arguments for a more thorough response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. Work on improving the flow between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • financial stability
  • personal development
  • career advancement
  • fulfillment
  • leisure
  • self-care
  • burnout
  • stress
  • setting boundaries
  • professional success
  • personal satisfaction
  • harmonious balance
  • purpose and structure
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