For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time?
As societies continue to approach
to
Change preposition
apply
the
excessive consumerism more and more, Correct article usage
apply
younger
generation Add an article
the younger
are
choosing activities like shopping as a Change the verb form
is
passtime
and leisure in their free time. Correct your spelling
pastime
pass time
This
growing trend I believe is due to promoting bad consumption patterns that
is
frequently preached to the population around the world, through social media, movies, celebrities etc. which would bear more benefit to the business owners of huge international companies.
Human Change the verb form
are
being
has always acted according to the place and atmosphere their Fix the agreement mistake
beings
souranded
by. As it is said, we will become whatever or Correct your spelling
sounded
whoever
we are in contact with, Change the pronoun
whomever
that is
the reason why we should choose our neighborhood
, workplace, friends and Change the spelling
neighbourhood
coleagues
carefully. Research shows that frequently shown advertisements about products and services in social media, TV etc. are approximately as influential as a seller, speaking to a Correct your spelling
colleagues
Correct your spelling
customer
costumer
trying to convince them to buy a Correct your spelling
customer
comodity
; Correct your spelling
commodity
This
probably indicates how important commonly shown advertisements can be, no matter how short (or in some cases meaningless) they are. This
might be the main reason for younger
population's incentive for intensive shopping as Correct article usage
the younger
an
entertainment.
Remove the article
apply
However
in my Add a comma
,However
view
these people are better precisely focus on what Add a comma
,view
truelly
is regarded as a priority while choosing their leisure Correct your spelling
truly
persuit
and hobby. Correct your spelling
pursuit
As
Change preposition
For
an
instance ones who are looking for a Correct article usage
apply
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
Correct your spelling
and
anf
authentic romantic relationship which leads to marriage, Correct your spelling
and
they
probably should spend a great deal of time studying and Correct pronoun usage
apply
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
communicational
skills and Replace the word
communication
generally
Replace the word
general
Add an article
a self
self improvement
. Add a hyphen
self-improvement
This
approach not only can help younger individuals optimize their limited time, but also
will contribute to implementing self improvement
and personal Add a hyphen
self-improvement
Correct your spelling
development
developement
which might be of use in the future and for Correct your spelling
development
the
humanity.
To sum up, an undesirable pattern of Correct article usage
apply
consuming
will be held responsible for a growing trend of shopping as a hobby among young adults, which could be possibly switched and modified by alternative self-promoting habits like reading and socializing.Replace the word
consumption
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite