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Band 5.5

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
It is undeniable that the number of
children
 suffering from
obesity
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 risen significantly nowadays. Some people consider that the governments should take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
serious action on
this
 issue because it is their responsibility. From my point of view, I personally disagree with
this
 viewpoint for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs. It is true to say that the
government
 plays a vital role in public
health
 management. They can support
children
 to avoid
obesity
 by increasing
sport
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sports
show examples
 facilities
such
 as fitness equipment within communities in order to encourage
children
 to exercise more often and provide healthcare policy.
Additionally
, they can control harmful food on sale which can make
children
 lack awareness of choosing a meal, leading to unconscious consumption of eating sweets and junk food.
However
, there is nothing the
government
 can do if
children
 still have unhealthy habits.
Therefore
,
this
 can be considered
as
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apply
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an individual responsibility.
Moreover
, It can be seen that nowadays
children
 tend to focus on social media or online games rather than outdoor activities which
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
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 them to pay less attention to their
health
 because they do not have a chance to exercise.
Consequently
, it increases the cause of
obesity
 among them. In conclusion, I believe that
this
 problem should not be placed only on the shoulders of the
government
. Both authorities and
children
 should collaborate together to be responsible for the growth of
obesity
 in
children
. While the
government
 maintains overall public
health
, each child should be in charge of their own
health
 because choosing to exercise and eat
healthy
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healthily
show examples
 is in the control of each individual.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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