Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #rise #obesity #children

It is undeniable that the number of

children

suffering from

obesity

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

risen significantly nowadays. Some people consider that the governments should take

Remove the article

apply

show examples

serious action on

this

issue because it is their responsibility. From my point of view, I personally disagree with

this

viewpoint for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs. It is true to say that the

government

plays a vital role in public

health

management. They can support

children

to avoid

obesity

by increasing

sport

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sports

show examples

facilities

such

as fitness equipment within communities in order to encourage

children

to exercise more often and provide healthcare policy.

Additionally

, they can control harmful food on sale which can make

children

lack awareness of choosing a meal, leading to unconscious consumption of eating sweets and junk food.

However

, there is nothing the

government

can do if

children

still have unhealthy habits.

Therefore

this

can be considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

an individual responsibility.

Moreover

, It can be seen that nowadays

children

tend to focus on social media or online games rather than outdoor activities which

enable

Correct subject-verb agreement

enables

show examples

them to pay less attention to their

health

because they do not have a chance to exercise.

Consequently

, it increases the cause of

obesity

among them. In conclusion, I believe that

this

problem should not be placed only on the shoulders of the

government

. Both authorities and

children

should collaborate together to be responsible for the growth of

obesity

children

. While the

government

maintains overall public

health

, each child should be in charge of their own

health

because choosing to exercise and eat

healthy

Change the adjective

healthily

show examples

is in the control of each individual.

Submitted by ariyabiebl2608 on Fri Sep 02 2022

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

policies
responsibility
health and well-being
education and awareness programs
childhood obesity
food advertising and labeling
unhealthy food
supportive environments
recreational facilities
collaboration
healthcare providers

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Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As well as making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Social Interaction is getting destroyed due to technology such as mobile phones. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, internet and television has given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples

Is mental strength important for success in sports or is it more important to have strong and fit people in sports. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that car users should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.