IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that government spending on the restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend the money for housing and road development. To what extent do you agree?

#people #government #restoration #buildings #cities #money #road #development
Nowadays, in
this
 modern era population has been increasing day by day.Public face numerous kinds of issues with their housing and transportation conjunction. I completely agree with
this
 phenomenon and discuss it in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, power
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 funds
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their old buildings and restoration. It
is not very uses
Change the verb form
does not very use
show examples
 full for the public. Because in
this
 modern age they have a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 food
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 and new
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
. Visitors mostly like to visit modern apartment
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rather than the old living areas. They need more and more facilities.
Moreover
, each restoration and building has been time limit after some, period it needs some replacement it shows the basic problem.
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 colour, lighting, and water leakage. Another example,
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
survey conducted by BBC news channel which showed that the japan nation destroys old buildings because it's dangerous for local
people
.
Furthermore
, the government should spend money on roads and housing development. Because population are increasing.
People
 face a lot of problems on road. Traffic is a common issue in every city. Authority should improve roads condition and traffic systems. As well as, most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
temporary address they need their own address government
provide
Add the particle
to provide
show examples
 housing opportunity to
people
.
For instance
, according to study housing problems and road conditions
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically decrease individuals suffering from traffic issues in travelling time To conclude, the government should provide more funds for housing and road development rather than for old buildings and restoration
Submitted by kawankaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • historical value
  • architectural value
  • tourism boost
  • economic benefits
  • sustainability
  • job creation
  • property values
  • urban development
  • traffic congestion
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • fund allocation
  • modern needs
  • restoration
  • preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: