IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Now there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children . To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #parents #time #work #children #support
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Irrefutably,
parents
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 play an inevitable role in order to
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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. The task in hand brushes on the aspect that nowadays social constraints have been increasing in an astounding manner involving youngsters as the majority of
parents
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 spent
time
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 at
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 or workplace in comparison with their infants. In my conviction,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 don’t have any considerable reservation on
this
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 aspect because it has exerted various problems
such
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 as 'Generating bad habits' , Lack of social
knowledge
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 and so on,and my stances are totally in line with
such
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 a school of thought. Commencing with, in
this
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 21st century, certain
parents
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 have to do work in order to run bread butter for their family.
However
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, by
this
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 means, numerous menaces have been generated which become noxious for
parents
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.
First
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 and foremost, juveniles have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appeal
towards
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to
show examples
 bad habits
such
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 as smoking and drinking. To explicate, owing
to
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apply
show examples
,
parents
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 are working adults
take
Correct pronoun usage
who take
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 the advantage of
this
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 situation and influence
towards
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apply
show examples
bad
society
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 and get addicted to smoking and drinking.
For instance
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,
according to
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apply
show examples
the survey
of
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apply
show examples
'WHO' found that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
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 who are working professionally their
children
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 are addicted
of
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to
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 smoking and drinking because their guardians don't have ample
of
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apply
show examples
time
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 due to work stress.
Therefore
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,
children
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 fascinate by bad habits which create social problems.
Furthermore
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, the
parents
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 who spent most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
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 in
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 than with their
infants
Change to a genitive case
infant's
infants'
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 cause
'Lack
Correct article usage
a 'Lack
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 of social
knowledge
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'
to
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in
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child
Add an article
the child
a child
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. To clarify
this
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, it cannot be denying the fact that in order to develop the intellectual skill of broods
parents
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 play a dominant role because
parents
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 are those who are capable enough to nourish their child according to them as they have profound
knowledge
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 and experience of
society
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 that how to deal with it.
For example
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, according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research by ‘WHO’ revealed that the
parents
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 who are working
their
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with their
show examples
children
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 are not proficient to deal with
society
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.
Therefore
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,
children
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 have to go through
this
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 menace as their
parents
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 are not able to spend
time
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 with them. To conclude
this
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, it has been articulated that
children
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 if
parents
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 spent
time
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 at work as compared to their
children
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 escalate several problems
such
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 as
dominance
Add an article
the dominance
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 of bad
society
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 and scarcity of social
knowledge
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.
However
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, guardians should have to thrive their infants under their surveillance.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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