IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #sky
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Nowadays
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more interested in
sports
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
than
show examples
Correct your spelling
physically
socially
phycially
Correct your spelling
physically
 harmful
activities
Use synonyms
. Some of these
sports
Use synonyms
 like sky diving and skiing should be banned, I strongly disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 argument.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I heard a lot of stories about
sportsperson
Fix the agreement mistake
sportspeople
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whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 lost their life while climbing
in
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apply
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Everest mountain, or some accidents related to extreme
sports
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. It
is understand
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is understood
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 that the unfortunate consequences force
people
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 to think take some cautions
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 banning or limiting the attendance for these
activities
Use synonyms
. But in many countries, to reduce
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accidents the government make various rules that the
people
Use synonyms
 who have to join that
sports
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 need to understand the whole of caution notes,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 they need some
of
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apply
show examples
certificates
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the certificates
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 to make sure they
has
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have
show examples
 enough
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
qualification. For skiing, the environment is prepared for only skiing and it should not injure any player, and it
Correct article usage
the same
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same
Correct your spelling
came
show examples
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 sky diving, the flyer has to participate in many test jumps before they can actually fly in the sky.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these types of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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helpfully
Replace the word
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who want to
exploring
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explore
show examples
 their
limited
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limits
show examples
 or go through the fear inside them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with a lot of light
points
Add a comma
,points
show examples
 these
sports
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 are a way to escape the stressful or
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, while doing these
activities
Use synonyms
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 else can
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 about the stress or they just enjoy the moment when they conquer the challenges. In conclusion, extreme
are
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is
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 a choice of an individual and banning
people
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 is against the freedom of
human
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humans
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 even though these
activities
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 are highly risky.
However
Linking Words
 it cannot
be deny
Change the verb form
be denied
show examples
 extreme is not dangerous, but it has good benefits and
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 should not be banned.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
What to do next:
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