Some people thing that the best way to reduce time spent in traveling to work is to replace gardens and park close to the city center with apartments and building for the commuters, other disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion
People have different views about saving time in transportation to get workplace through collapsing public gardens and parks which are situated in the city centre.
Nevertheless
, I believe that replacing public recreation places with apartments and buildings will outweigh the drawbacks compared to the given benefits.
Firstly
, reducing time is the key feature to get
Verb problem
apply
succeed
these days,Replace the word
success
whereas
it became
one of the hardest things to do. Wrong verb form
has become
In addition
, in this
modern era
workers have received various ways to work more efficiently and effectively than in the past few years. Add a comma
era,
Such
as computers, zoom meetings and some crucial methods of Microsoft, according to
a recent survey in London, it is clear that
using digital equipment minimises people’s stress and making effortless to obtain the desired result.
On the other hand
, however
degeneration of natural spaces can bring global warming which is extremely harmful for Add a comma
however,
further
days. Similarly
, building more and more apartments will close the spaces that people use for leisure activities. For instance
, nowadays young generation is more affected by online based-games
Correct your spelling
games
instead
of physical sports.For example
, in ,Singapore more than 82% of people have access to video games rather than playing sporty activities which is helpful for their health also
. Hence
, this
would be a major obstacle to influencing them on electronic curriculum by reducing gardens and parks for developing travelling routes.
In conclusion, It has large disadvantages to converting entertainment places into working apartments near staff accommodation. Furthermore
, It is pointless to change gardens and parks for saving
time than to find other systems to get to workplaces more easily.Change preposition
to save
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coherence cohesion
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks a clear stance. It discusses the pros and cons of replacing parks with apartments but does not clearly express an opinion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas and examples lacks coherence and cohesion.