IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #governments #funds #services
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The opening statement explains that the
administration
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 spending
money
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
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,
music
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, and
stage
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games
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 is not useful spending
money
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.
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Administration
Add an article
The administration
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 should pay
this
Linking Words
money
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 for public services. P1 Take a look at the
administration
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 spending
money
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in
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on
show examples
art
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,
music
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, and
stage
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games
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not useful spending
money
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 because the
government
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 spends a lot of
money
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for
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on
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 these social activities.
Moreover
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, when some urgent problem can not be solved, maybe since the
government
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 has less
money
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. All over the
world
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,world
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 some
people
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 have not got any house
hence
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 if the
administration
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 won't spend
money
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 for
this
Linking Words
 situation they can build some
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 and will give to homeless
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, society will have much fun together thanks to
art
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,
music
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 and
stage
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games
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consequently
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 issue perhaps
people
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 will not do harmful things. Many
people
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 can meet new
people
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 and be friends with them when they go to
art
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 exhibitions, concerts or
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
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.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 the artist’s budgets are increased and they can focus on creating new things for the
art
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. P2 I see eye to eye with
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administration
Correct article usage
the administration
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 spending
money
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
Use synonyms
,
music
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, and
stage
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games
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not useful spending
money
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 way.
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Administration
Add an article
The administration
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 should pay
these
Change the determiner
this money
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money
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 for public services.
People
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 have some social needs and vital needs
furthermore
Linking Words
 vital needs
comes
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come
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first
Linking Words
.
Hence
Linking Words
 we
have
Add the particle
tohave
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 spend
money
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for
Change preposition
on
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 their priority needs. I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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met a homeless man who was in a really abysmal situation. I talked with him and he said to me “The
government
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 must help me so I am dying day by day.” I thought when he was in like that status the
government
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 how can spending
money
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 for other citizen’s funs. CONCLUSİON To sum things up, the
government
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 must not spend
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social activities and spending
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 urgent problems is more logical than other ways.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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