IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #governments #funds #services
The opening statement explains that the
administration
 spending
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
,
music
, and
stage
games
 is not useful spending
money
.
Administration
Add an article
The administration
show examples
 should pay
this
money
 for public services. P1 Take a look at the
administration
 spending
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
,
music
, and
stage
games
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not useful spending
money
 because the
government
 spends a lot of
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these social activities.
Moreover
, when some urgent problem can not be solved, maybe since the
government
 has less
money
. All over the
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 some
people
 have not got any house
hence
 if the
administration
 won't spend
money
 for
this
 situation they can build some
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 and will give to homeless
people
.
However
, society will have much fun together thanks to
art
,
music
 and
stage
games
consequently
 of
this
 issue perhaps
people
 will not do harmful things. Many
people
 can meet new
people
 and be friends with them when they go to
art
 exhibitions, concerts or
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the artist’s budgets are increased and they can focus on creating new things for the
art
. P2 I see eye to eye with
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 spending
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
,
music
, and
stage
games
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not useful spending
money
 way.
Administration
Add an article
The administration
show examples
 should pay
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
 for public services.
People
 have some social needs and vital needs
furthermore
 vital needs
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
first
.
Hence
 we
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
 spend
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their priority needs. I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
met a homeless man who was in a really abysmal situation. I talked with him and he said to me “The
government
 must help me so I am dying day by day.” I thought when he was in like that status the
government
 how can spending
money
 for other citizen’s funs. CONCLUSİON To sum things up, the
government
 must not spend
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social activities and spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 urgent problems is more logical than other ways.
Submitted by emrekaanozkan01 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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