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Band 4

The best way to understand others culture is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#culture #work #organization
in
this
 contemporary
epoch
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epoch,
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 whilst proponents hold the view that joining a multicultural organization plays a pivotal role
to
Change preposition
in
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be
Verb problem
becoming
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 familiar with other traditions, others discern another stance.
However
, I am convinced that other ways will be more effective. My perspective
along with
 the claimed statement will be
further
 demonstrated. Undoughtly,
To be
Change the verb form
Being
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 a part of any multinational association can contribute to a big extent to widening your horizon and getting know to different customs, even though it is still not enough to increase your knowledge about other nations. To illustrate, Travelling definitely will be better compared to working.
For example
, if you travel to India even as a tourist, you will know that most Indians are vegetarians and
this
 is one of the main causes they do not sacrifice cows.
Hence
, what can be said is that the aims of companies may be not aligned with the purpose of the learning process, so it will be a by-product
while
 travelling will supply you with in-depth information.
Moreover
, workspaces are not the ideal environment to exchange thoughts and beliefs.
In other words
, some employees frequently work under stress in extreme conditions, and
consequently
, they do not have time to keep in touch with others. A prominent example
,
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apply
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 is the Egyptian teachers who work in multinational schools are not socializing with other nationalities
due to
 more duties and fewer activities.
Therefore
,
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being overwhelming
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overwhelming
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overwhelmed
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 with work tasks will not be appropriate
to interact
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for interacting
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 with others competently. Having manifested the points mentioned above, it can be included that travelling soars the desire for exploration and realizing other rituals. In my opinion, individuals should opt for travelling if they have the opportunity.
Submitted by amer.ebtsam on

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Task Response
You need to provide a clearer and more developed response to the task question, addressing both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure is somewhat disorganized. Work on using cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary is used, but some choices are inaccurate or unclear. Aim for more precise and appropriate word choices.
Grammatical Range
There are several grammatical errors and lack of sentence variety. Use a wider range of structures and make sure to proofread carefully.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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