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Band 5

Rich countries often give financial aid to poor countries, but it does not solve the poverty. So rich countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than the financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #aid #poverty
Poor
countries
 always receive fund assistance from rich
countries
 to get rid of poverty and backwardness, but some argue
this
 form of help has little effect. Personally,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy
countries
 can donate
money
 to solve some emergency problems of poor
countries
, it is not a long-term solution. It seems that rich
countries
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 financial aid to the
countries
 who have no sufficient
money
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 social development can solve
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 proportion of poverty in short term. Having
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
, those who have difficulties
to solve
Change the verb form
solving
show examples
 the problem of food and clothing could have fundamental security,
then
 they can develop other aspects of construction.
However
, to a large extent, the fact that the root reason for which they cannot afford the routine expenditure is the lack of the capacity to make the social economy work rather than
such
money
. Following
this
 look, even if they receive
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 from wealthy
countries
, they still keep
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 for the long term.
Instead
 of giving
money
 to help the poor
countries
, rich
countries
 can provide other sorts of help like establishing subsidiaries of mature companies, which can broaden the job market.
As
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job opportunities, more and more people can be willing to dedicate themselves to their country. If the
countries
 should achieve national prosperity step by step,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 would be easy to
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 the country from any aspect.
Therefore
, it is farseeing to help the poor
countries
 by bringing multiple economic and social benefits to the local people. In conclusion,
although
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 financial aid to affluent
countries
 is a direct way to assist them, I still believe that wealthy
countries
 have more methods to help them.
Submitted by heytanglyi on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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