Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays,
television
become an important daily life item because it is where we can get knowledge, factual news
all
Change preposition
from all
show examples
around the world, and entertainment.
Television
is indeed not the only medium to transform all of them globally,
however
,
this
is the only technology that most people can access rather
the
Change preposition
than the
show examples
internet. But, recently
pop up
Verb problem
,
show examples
an issue about whether advertising through
television
that is
directed at young
children
should be banned or not. I do not think
this
statement has a more beneficial impact than it's unnecessary. First of all, I believe that
parents
have full responsibility for their toddler’s show. Actually, young
children
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the age of five can not choose the channel that they want to watch.
Parents
should be there aside from their
children
to control what their kids can see. If negative influence advertising appears,
parents
can immediately switch the channel or turn on the
television
.
That is
the logical solution for avoiding their
children
from
such
an advertisement.
Secondly
, most people advise the
government
for creating
Change preposition
to create
show examples
regulations about banning advertising directed toward young
children
.
Instead
of doing that, I think the
government
should publish certain rules for advertising
companies
.
For instance
, the
government
arranges anything that includes an ethical manner, especially for
aged
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
two to five. So, the
companies
can sell their products and people can not be influenced by
containing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
explicit and bad language.
To sum up
, I strongly disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
restrictions on
television
advertising for young
children
. We can not forbid the
companies
to promote their product because
parents
have the obligation to determine what their kids see on TV and there is an alternative solution from the
government
to set the rules for advertising
companies
.
Submitted by futri3841 on

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task response
Your response provides a clear opinion on the issue and supports it with relevant reasons and examples. You have addressed the prompt effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are supported throughout the essay. However, the logical progression between ideas could be improved by using better transition words and phrases.

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