IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many developing countries, there is an increased movement of workers from rural areas in to cities. Why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, enormous people from the countryside have increasingly immigrated to urban areas, which is a concern in numerous underdeveloped countries across the world. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the causes of huge immigration and the adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on humanity will be presented before my conclusion is reached. The first reason that leads people to move
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the big cities is a better opportunity. There are more available jobs, which provide a high salary compared to rural zones.
For example
Linking Words
, a fresh graduate can work as a receptionist in hotels, an officer in prestigious companies, a teacher in schools, and so on, but it is very difficult to find these types of careers in remote areas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the capital city has better infrastructures including shopping malls, schools, universities, hospitals, cinemas, etc., which facilitate citizens to have better well-being. These two main reasons encourage individuals to move to urban zones. Despite career advancement and better livelihood, urbanization has disastrous effects on individuals.
To begin
Linking Words
, overpopulation in the capital city can contribute to anxiety and depression among citizens
due to
Linking Words
 traffic congestion. To illustrate, living in Bangkok, Thailand, the highest rate of traffic jams city in the world, I have to spend more than an hour on the road
every day
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
commuting, which makes me stressed and bored.
Moreover
Linking Words
, pollution attributed to urbanization can trigger related health problems. Residents living in urban are prone to various illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as asthma, migraine, and so on because they are surrounded by smoke released by cars and buses. In conclusion, urban immigration is the predominant concern for all countries worldwide. the main cause of the problems is that people seek better careers and well-being in life. Eventually, mental and physical health problems become the
detrimentrious
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effects of urbanization.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses both the causes and effects of rural to urban migration as well as provides relevant examples to support the points.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented. The main points are supported with examples, but there is room for improvement in the overall coherence of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: