Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In the salad days of the millennium, it has been observed that a large number of adolescents are living an unhealthy lifestyle. A lot of efforts are being made to tackle the issue.
Nonetheless
, it is generally argued that combating
this
problem is the responsibility of both the institutions
as well as
the parents.
However
, I partially agree with
this
notion and in the following paragraphs, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
shed light on numerous reasons to support my stance. To commence with the facet of agreement, there are myriad things to be shared in its favour, First and foremost, both of them have the greater possibility to devote maximum time to kids.
For example
,
according to
a survey conducted in the USA, a child usually spends 6 to 7 hours in school and almost the same time at home and
this
is enough time to teach him and feed the right things into his mind to mend his routine.
Furthermore
, mentors and genitors are the ones who are too close to children.Kids mostly follow and obey the guidelines provided by these two.
Hence
, teachers and begetters get an easy opportunity to not only support them in their studies but
also
assist them
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
their lifestyles healthy. Shifting towards the second school of thought, physical actions can
also
be another source of guidance. For illustration, abundant
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
demonstrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrates
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that humans learn and remember 80 per cent of things which they see.
Nevertheless
, being parents it should be their duty of them to follow a healthy schedule in front of their offspring so they are able to understand what is not good for them.
Moreover
, school is the place where students are conveniently taught. They should plan to incorporate topics which are related to well-being,
besides
the academic courses.
In addition
to
this
, they can
also
hold multiple sessions on a regular basis focusing on exercising and committing
several
Change preposition
to several
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kinds of activities, a variety of games can be taken as an example, to make pupils habitual of them.
Hence
, in
this
way
solely
Rephrase
apply
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schools can contribute a major role in maintaining their vigorous schedule. In conclusion, it is commonly opined that paters and teaching centres both are responsible for making a fit lifestyle for adolescents. I partially support
this
perspective because institutions and guardians are individually able to perform
this
task in various ways.
Submitted by arsalanfarooqned on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear stance on the issue. It is important to clearly state your agreement or disagreement and provide specific reasons to support your position.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat clear, but there are instances of unclear progression between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear and logical progression of ideas, and that there is a clear introduction and conclusion present.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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