IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that the increasing use of modern technology at work and in leisure is reducing people’s creativity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Never has the topic concerning
technology
Use synonyms
 failed to attract our attention.
However
Linking Words
, when it comes to the negative impacts of applying modern
technology
Use synonyms
 in our daily lives,
people
Use synonyms
 hold divergent views. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the increasing dependence on
technology
Use synonyms
 at work and in leisure is undermining
people
Use synonyms
's
creativity
Use synonyms
. From my own perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. First and foremost, introducing
high-
Use the right word
high technology
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 in education improves
people
Use synonyms
's
creativity
Use synonyms
. To be more specific, it is not uncommon to see that implementing traditional teaching methods with new technologies engages students more. Under
such
Linking Words
 circumstances, more attractive and appealing classes broaden students' horizons and inspire their unlimited imagination.
As a result
Linking Words
, younger
people
Use synonyms
 are motivated to think from different perspectives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the fact that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 brings about the explosion of information indicates that
technology
Use synonyms
 boosts
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
innovation.
For example
Linking Words
, it is because the invention of the internet
conquers
Wrong verb form
has conquered
show examples
 the geographical barriers that nowadays we can acquire all kinds of data, knowledge, and news instantly around the world. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
affluent
Correct word choice
abundant
show examples
 and
various
Correct word choice
varied
show examples
 information encourages individuals to be more creative.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a voice arises that
technology
Use synonyms
 will reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity
Use synonyms
 as relying too much on electronic devices makes the public
thinking
Replace the word
think
show examples
 less. Ironically, it is not rare to see that the advanced high-tech tools stimulate and facilitate human beings to make progress in medical, biological and scientific fields. With the
involution
Use the right word
evolution
show examples
 of cutting-edge instruments, our innovative thoughts can be put into practice.
Therefore
Linking Words
, scientists are able to come up with ideas which are both practical and creative.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I maintain that the intensifying
exploit
Replace the word
exploitation
show examples
 of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is not about to impair
people
Use synonyms
's
creativity
Use synonyms
. Only when we treat it rationally rather than impulsively can we enjoy the pleasure rather than
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
.

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task response
Task response: You state your view and give some proof, but the task asks you to cover all parts of the question with more strong reasons and examples. Add a brief intro that clearly shows your view and finish with a short conclusion that repeats it. Give more clear reasons and real examples for each point.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has some good flow but some ideas are not joined well. Start each para with a clear main sentence. Use linking words to show connections. Keep a steady order of ideas and use paragraph breaks well.
strength
Clear stance on the issue
strength
Some good examples for how tech helps learning and ideas

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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