Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

it is argued that nowadays, human beings live longer than in past decades.
Therefore
, from some point of ,view elderly
people
ought to proceed with their job. I entirely disagree with the statement
of
Change preposition
that
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elderly
people
should continue their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In my opinion, currently,
this
segment of society is less productive than younger. To justify my opinion, they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
not flexible.
This
is because they are bad at meeting deadlines
for
this
reason big companies look for agile employees.
Along with
that, elderly
people
get a higher remuneration than those
people
who are up to 60 years old. Manufacturers have the inclination to hire workers who work on a low income. To give a clear example of
this
, most of the big USA companies moved to China because of lower labour wages.
That is
why
people
who are above 65 fall behind younger. I
also
think that as technology develops in the workplace, elderly
people
face adaptation issues. They have hardship in learning the latest devices.
However
, rivals are brilliant at absorbing machinery.
Hence
, elderly
people
have fewer chances to be taken on jobs than others. To give a clear example, international companies like Schneider, siemens and
bp
Correct your spelling
BP
show examples
implement internship programs.
In other words
,
this
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
elderly
people
's opportunities to keep in their career.
This
is why they should take retirement, by doing
this
they will open the doors for youngers to embark on a new career
To conclude
, though, some
people
think that elderly
people
should continue their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, I completely disagree with
this
statement because they have difficulty comprehending new mechanisms in factory
Submitted by malikli.malik1995 on

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coherence cohesion
In order to improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear and logical structure, and use cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to connect ideas and create flow.
task achievement
Your essay lacks complete response in addressing the task. Make sure to fully answer the question, present clear and comprehensive ideas, and support them with relevant specific examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • workforce
  • mentorship
  • mental and physical health
  • community engagement
  • rapidly changing work environments
  • economic stability
  • age discrimination
  • workplace adjustments
  • financial strain
  • pension systems
  • diversifying
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • retirement norms
  • flexible working hours
  • part-time positions
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