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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Topic: Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all the costs. Do the advantages out weight its disadvantages?

#topic #children’s #education #countries #government #costs #weight
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There is no doubt that these days a child's
education
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 cost is high, which is becoming a popular fact.
However
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, the question is: does the government benefit more in financially supporting
people
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 with school fees? is considered one of the most controversial issues today. In
this
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 essay, I am going to examine
this
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 phenomenon from both viewpoints.
Firstly
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, on one side of the argument, some
people
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 argue that the benefits considerably outweigh the disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
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 is that it will enlighten the focus on the country's educational system, where governments can gain
people
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's trust and faith that their children's
education
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 is the number one priority.
Moreover
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, if the system helps in planting the idea of how important it is for the child to learn and take action towards it,
hence
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,
this
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 will encourage parents to share
this
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 mentality, leading to a better community.
For example
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, the economy will increase more if all children
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 the opportunity to learn.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 significant to indicate what other
people
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 think. In the meantime, it is often argued that governments should not waste a high cost on the academic field because there are many issues in which the money is needed.
In addition
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, parents should take
the whole
Correct word choice
full
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 responsibility for their kids'
education
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 because there are a lot of institutions and the price isn't the same for all of them.
for instance
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, there are public schools with lower prices than private schools. In conclusion, as we have seen, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance, I tend to believe that there are more advantages for the government investing in children's
education
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 than disadvantages.
Submitted by shaden.kaabneh on

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task response
You need to ensure a clear and direct response to the essay question. Develop and support your main points more explicitly to demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion provide a strong framework for your argument. Your main points should be well-supported and clearly linked throughout the essay.
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