IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Job opportunities need improvement. Please discuss both views

#job #opportunities #improvement
Dear Jihye Kim, Thank you for taking the time to review my application. I have followed your company, Moloco, for several years and have always been impressed by its fantastic technological solutions. I will complete a Bachelor in Computer Science from KAIST university by December
this
 year and I am looking for career opportunities. Recently, I did a job search and discovered that Moloco is opening some Machine Learning engineer positions in Seoul. These opportunities highly interest me, and I believe that my skills and knowledge will add practical value to your company. During my studies, I took five courses that covered various machine learning topics
such
 as Computer vision and Reinforcement learning. By participating in these courses’ projects, I acquired numerous valuable skills, including data processing, fine-tuning models, visualization, and many others. I contributed significantly to my teams, and I am confident that these experiences make me a strong candidate for your company’s opening positions. It would be my
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 to meet with you and have a more detailed discussion regarding job opportunities at
Moloco
Correct your spelling
Moloko
. I am prepared to provide any other documents or information that might be needed for
such
 a meeting. For more details about my experiences and skills, please have a look at the resume attached to
this
 email. Again, thank you for spending time considering my job application. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Submitted by kaistdat123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: