IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some researchers believe that all children need to learn a musical instrument as part of their education. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#researchers #children #instrument #part #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
All kinds of art, especially
music
Use synonyms
, play an indisputable role in society.
Thus
Linking Words
 a part of scientists claims that it is crucial for students to learn at least one musical
instrument
Use synonyms
. I cannot be more agree due to its financial and social benefits.
Although
Linking Words
 some may assume that learning how to play an
instrument
Use synonyms
 could be pointless, some youngsters may find part-time jobs as a musician or even
music
Use synonyms
 tutors. The more skills children might be taught, the less they may likely be unemployed. So, if they had learnt an
instrument
Use synonyms
 to play, they may have a full-time or part-time job and they would not be a burden on
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Change noun form
government's
show examples
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
show examples
 to be paid. A portion of pupils have a knack for
music
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 talent may be hidden from parents or even teachers. Upon the compulsory curriculum of learning a musical
instrument
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 covered talent may be flourished.
Consequently
Linking Words
, some young people, who have some knack for playing an
instrument
Use synonyms
, may find their path and
then
Linking Words
, some of them may have a fruitful impact on
music
Use synonyms
. To sum up, there is some evidence to prove the benefits of learning how to play an
instrument
Use synonyms
. It is imperative for governments to foster some resolution to make children learn a musical
instrument
Use synonyms
 owing to its splendid financial and social impacts.
Submitted by maryam.mahmoodi20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: