Some researchers believe that all children need to learn a musical instrument as part of their education. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#researchers #children #instrument #part #education

All kinds of art, especially

music

, play an indisputable role in society.

Thus

a part of scientists claims that it is crucial for students to learn at least one musical

instrument

. I cannot be more agree due to its financial and social benefits.

Although

some may assume that learning how to play an

instrument

could be pointless, some youngsters may find part-time jobs as a musician or even

music

tutors. The more skills children might be taught, the less they may likely be unemployed. So, if they had learnt an

instrument

to play, they may have a full-time or part-time job and they would not be a burden on

Correct article usage

the governments

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governments

Change noun form

government's

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shoulder

Fix the agreement mistake

shoulders

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to be paid. A portion of pupils have a knack for

music

however

this

talent may be hidden from parents or even teachers. Upon the compulsory curriculum of learning a musical

instrument

this

covered talent may be flourished.

Consequently

, some young people, who have some knack for playing an

instrument

, may find their path and

then

, some of them may have a fruitful impact on

music

. To sum up, there is some evidence to prove the benefits of learning how to play an

instrument

. It is imperative for governments to foster some resolution to make children learn a musical

instrument

owing to its splendid financial and social impacts.

Submitted by maryam.mahmoodi20 on Sun Sep 11 2022

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

219 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some researchers believe that all children need to learn a musical instrument as part of their education. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

The governments should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the environment. Do you agree or disagree ? Use your ideas to support your side.

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Housing and accommodation has become a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the main factors that have contributed to this problem? What can be done to help reduce the number of homeless people?