IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
The pie charts illustrate
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumption by various fields in Eastern Australia in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
Change the article
the year
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year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 2007 and 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the consumption of
electricity
Use synonyms
 from those sectors remained unchanged except for
Aluminium
Correct article usage
the Aluminium
show examples
, Manufacturing and Other metal fields over the period shown.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
figures
Use synonyms
 for
residential
Correct article usage
the residential
show examples
 and commercial sectors were by far
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
. In 2007, residential areas consumed 28% of total
electricity
Use synonyms
 was consumed for
conmmercial
Correct your spelling
commercial
 purposes. There was 13% of
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumed by
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 and aluminium sector each,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
figures
Use synonyms
 for other metals and mining were slightly lower, at 12% and 9% respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumption from transport and agriculture made up only negligible
figures
Use synonyms
. In 2010,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumed by other metals rose significantly by 6%, those of
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 and manufacturing fields saw a slight fall to 11% and 9% respectively.
Interesting
Change the word
Interestingly
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, the proportions of
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumed by the other sectors were all as similar
as
Change preposition
to
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initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
figures
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, figures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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