The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

#show #percentage #electricity #sectors #australia

The pie charts illustrate

electricity

consumption by various fields in Eastern Australia in

two

Correct article usage

the two

show examples

Change the article

the year

show examples

year

Change to a plural noun

years

show examples

2007 and 2010.

It is clear that

the consumption of

electricity

from those sectors remained unchanged except for

Aluminium

Correct article usage

the Aluminium

show examples

, Manufacturing and Other metal fields over the period shown.

Additionally

, the

figures

for

residential

Correct article usage

the residential

show examples

and commercial sectors were by far

largest

Correct article usage

the largest

show examples

. In 2007, residential areas consumed 28% of total

electricity

was consumed for

conmmercial

Correct your spelling

commercial

purposes. There was 13% of

electricity

consumed by

manufacturing

Correct article usage

the manufacturing

show examples

and aluminium sector each,

whereas

the

figures

for other metals and mining were slightly lower, at 12% and 9% respectively.

By contrast

electricity

consumption from transport and agriculture made up only negligible

figures

. In 2010,

while

the percentage of

electricity

consumed by other metals rose significantly by 6%, those of

aluminum

Change the spelling

aluminium

show examples

and manufacturing fields saw a slight fall to 11% and 9% respectively.

Interesting

Change the word

Interestingly

show examples

, the proportions of

electricity

consumed by the other sectors were all as similar

Change preposition

show examples

initial

Correct article usage

the initial

show examples

figures

Submitted by Fa Ha on Sun Sep 11 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, figures with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

157 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Some people say that the Internet is responsible for destroying social skills of teenagers and young adults. What impact does the internet have on the social skills of teenagers and young adults and what can be done to make sure that it does not harm their social development?
Since its invention, the Internet has changed the way people interact. Many people argue that it has had a negative influence on the way teenagers and young adults communicate. This essay will explain how the internet negatively affects the development of young people’s social skills and will suggest how its influence can be reduced.
6
band
Write about the following topic: Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
More and more parents are beginning to embrace homeschooling for their children. While some believe that this option is the best for a child’s growth, there are others who strongly think going to a physical school is more important. Although there are many advantages to both options, I think that the pros of physical schooling far outweigh those of homeschooling.
4
band
Some students nowadays prefer to study online through online courses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of learning online?
It is an irrefutable fact that few learners in the contemporary era prefer to study with the help of social websities.Although,many may see it as a positive phenomenon but it is not a trend without drawbacks.Both the benefits and darker side of this exitence would be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.
5.5
band
A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?
Nowadays tourism generates a significant portion of national income for many countries, but it has certain drawbacks too. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of tourism and provide a logical conclusion.
7
band
Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue that for the younger generation to get more chances to grow, senior management should be encouraged to retire at the age of 55. Whilst I believe of the older generation’s valuable experience, I agree that allowing the youth to lead is beneficial to the organizations themselves.

The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

Some people say that the Internet is responsible for destroying social skills of teenagers and young adults. What impact does the internet have on the social skills of teenagers and young adults and what can be done to make sure that it does not harm their social development?

Some students nowadays prefer to study online through online courses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of learning online?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?