IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
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Use synonyms
 have taken various forms
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
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. Companies and businesses use multiple
media’s
Change noun form
media
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 to advertise their
products
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. Though some say that
this
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 brings awareness about the new
products
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 which in turn will improve our life, others do believe that it just encourages us to buy
products
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 we do not need. In my opinion
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however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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, the benefits of the
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 outweigh
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 disadvantages.
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introduces
Change the verb form
introduce
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 us to various
products
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 and services that can make our life easier. New technology has led to innovations that will be convenient
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mankind. And
advertisements
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 are the means through which
people
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 become aware of these innovations.
For example
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, the portable vacuum cleaner Roomba is one
such
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 innovation that has saved a lot of cleaning time as it works without the requirement of human intervention. In today’s world where time is of utmost importance to
people
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, Roomba comes in handy without being too expensive. For
people
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 who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 to save time from cleaning,
advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
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 of
products
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 like Roomba will be a boon.
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also
Linking Words
 help
people
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 understand the features of the
products
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,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 uses,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 benefits and disclaimers
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if any. Having said that, some have the opinion that
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makes
Change the verb form
make
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 us purchase items which are unnecessary. A fidget spinner would be a classic example
for
Change preposition
of
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 that. When fidget spinner was
first
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 introduced in the market, youngsters went crazy
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 them and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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 with them. Fast forward a few months later, they are lying somewhere in the corner of some drawer or in fact even thrown away.
Lastly
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, it
also
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 depends from person to person how they perceive different
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 i.e whether they want to see the good or bad in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
However
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, since advertisement introduces us to some
products
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 that can be convenient for humans, though it has both advantages and disadvantages, I agree that it does more good than bad.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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