Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages.

#people #behaviours #situations #age #peer #pressure

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In the cutting-edge era, the young generation is often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others of the same age, known as "peer pressure". From my perspective, the disadvantages of these notions will outweigh their advantages

due to

Linking Words

various reasons which will be discussed in impending paragraphs. To commence with, there are some merits of

this

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sensitive issue. First and foremost, vast knowledge would be learnt by the youngsters in a short period of time. To elucidate, if young people are influenced by others of the same age, it will help them to acquire information about their surroundings at a faster rate since there is less generation gap between them it would make their conversation easier.

For instance

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, a survey

has been

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

conducted on 1000 kids in the

U.S

Correct your spelling

U.S.

in 2018, which articulated that 61% of them were influenced by their companions

due to

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which they had more information about their surroundings than

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

39% of youngsters who were isolated from the world because of a lack of friends in their life.

On the contrary

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, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that there are multifarious drawbacks of enforcement. Primarily, it would make teens acquire bad habits. To explicate, getting

Change preposition

under

show examples

"peer pressure" will

cause

Verb problem

have

show examples

a detrimental impact on juveniles as kids of their age can force them to do

such

Linking Words

things which are not only bad for their health

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

for their guardians.

Besides

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this

Linking Words

, another concrete demerit is that it would lead children to misbehave with their family members. To elaborate, after an

influcement

Correct your spelling

enforcement

inducement

by their friends, youngsters can do some tasks which could hurt their parents

due to

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which their guardians have to face many difficulties in order to overcome their children's bad habits.

To conclude

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although

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there are some merits of the enforcement of teens by their friends, there are many disadvantages of influence meant in the contemporary epoch which outweigh its advantages

due to

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several reasons, which are the acquirement of bad habits

as well as

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hurting their parents.

Submitted by harry.intellistall on Tue Sep 13 2022

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Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your main points are logically organized and connected.

task achievement

Provide a more balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument.

lexical resource

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grammatical range accuracy

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? (Band 8,5)

Some claim history is one of the most important school subjects. Others assume that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.

In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline is the responsibility of teachers, while other think it is role of parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion.