IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#believe #people #interest #culture #country #region #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
’s
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 differ, as to whether mankind has
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in maintaining the traditional culture of their countries or not. In many cases, the globalized world we are living in,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
happens at the expense of local traditions. It goes without saying that there are many
people
Use synonyms
 that express indifference to local customs in favour of embracing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global ideas, but there are still traditional
people
Use synonyms
 who see the value and importance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 maintaining them. I strongly believe that we must preserve our traditional way of life. Globalization has influenced modern
people
Use synonyms
 a lot. Technology,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 networks seem to dominate the leisure time of youngsters, whether it
Add a missing verb
is by
show examples
by
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 gadgets or the internet.
As a result
Linking Words
, some local
trends
Use synonyms
 become global
trends
Use synonyms
 sometimes at no time.
For example
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
times of
Pandemic
Correct article usage
the Pandemic
show examples
 TikTok became super popular among
people
Use synonyms
 all around the world.
People
Use synonyms
 now are posting funny or even silly short videos and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
trends
Use synonyms
. As
people
Use synonyms
 from all over the world copy them and make their own videos.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many young
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays prefer listening to Maluma, Karol G,
Rosalia
Correct word choice
and Rosalia
show examples
 rather than the traditional music of their country. Youth enjoy trying new foreign food more
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 eating traditional recipes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
Correct your spelling
they
ethey
Correct your spelling
they
 see them as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
dull or old-fashioned stuff.
However
Linking Words
,
personally
Add a comma
,personally
show examples
 I think that It would be a great mistake to forget about our own culture and traditions. I
also
Linking Words
 love using modern technologies,
travelling
Correct word choice
and travelling
show examples
 to get to know new cultures. But exactly
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 fact that each country is different makes me want to go there, to taste
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 typical cuisine, to take part in some traditional parties, watching traditional local dances. It is vital for every country to stick to its roots. And traditions are our roots. So we must celebrate typical holidays to cook traditional food and have those simple conversations. Regarding music, if we look at Rosalia, her art embodies various musical styles, she started with singing flamenco, and now it is a mixture of flamenco , R&B , art pop,
reggaeton
Correct word choice
and reggaeton
show examples
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
nd
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 she is driving many youngsters crazy with her talented music. In conclusion, though there are certainly
people
Use synonyms
 focused on global
trends
Use synonyms
 and according to them, there is no space in their lives for outpaced things from the past, I strongly believe that we must do our best to preserve our local culture in order our ancestors can enjoy it and see the way we used to live. But I have to admit I would struggle without the Internet nowadays as I got used to it.
Submitted by riveraeka55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: