IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
Some people provide
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Change preposition
with the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
widely
Change the adverb
wide
show examples
number
 of
plaything
Fix the agreement mistake
playthings
show examples
 for their
children
 to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 with them.
personally
Add a comma
,personally
show examples
 I believe that a large
number
 of
toys
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 expectation. On the on hand , if
children
 have a large
number
 of plaything maybe have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 life.
firstly
 ,when the kid
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 any
toys
 who don’t know the
prize
Correct your spelling
price
show examples
 of their plaything , for
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, kid don’t
keeping
Change the verb form
keep
show examples
 safe of them.
secondly
 , a large of facilities for the
children
 can being
kid
Add an article
a kid
show examples
 to spoil, and spoiled brats are not lovely .
finally
, many numbers of
toys
 don’t
using
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 ever because the kids growing up
ant
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 that
toys
un available
Correct your spelling
unavailable
show examples
 for them. So
on the other hand
, the great numbers of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toys
 for
children
 have some positive
effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their mentally
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids which they can
imaging
Correct your spelling
imagine
show examples
 the different situations with the
toys
 in their mental and make a story with them.
for example
 with small animals
toys
 can
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 the zoo story, and different type of
toys
 help them to makes different stories.when the
children
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 for
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 anecdote their brain was more active and it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
effect
 on their intelligence. In conclusion, we understand that
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a large
number
 of plaything is good for the
children
 when makes their minds active
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 have a bad
effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
’s behaviour.
Submitted by Fa Ha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: