IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
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Some people provide
to
Change preposition
apply
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their
children
Use synonyms
Change preposition
with the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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widely
Change the adverb
wide
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number
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 of
plaything
Fix the agreement mistake
playthings
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 for their
children
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 to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 with them.
personally
Add a comma
,personally
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 I believe that a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Use synonyms
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 expectation. On the on hand , if
children
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 have a large
number
Use synonyms
 of plaything maybe have
a
Remove the article
apply
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some
effect
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 life.
firstly
Linking Words
 ,when the kid
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 any
toys
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 who don’t know the
prize
Correct your spelling
price
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 of their plaything , for
instant
Add an article
an instant
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, kid don’t
keeping
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keep
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 safe of them.
secondly
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 , a large of facilities for the
children
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 can being
kid
Add an article
a kid
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 to spoil, and spoiled brats are not lovely .
finally
Linking Words
, many numbers of
toys
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 don’t
using
Change the verb form
use
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 ever because the kids growing up
ant
Correct your spelling
and
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 that
toys
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un available
Correct your spelling
unavailable
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 for them. So
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the great numbers of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 have some positive
effect
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their mentally
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids which they can
imaging
Correct your spelling
imagine
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 the different situations with the
toys
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 in their mental and make a story with them.
for example
Linking Words
 with small animals
toys
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 can
makes
Change the verb form
make
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 the zoo story, and different type of
toys
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 help them to makes different stories.when the
children
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thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 for
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 anecdote their brain was more active and it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
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effect
Use synonyms
 on their intelligence. In conclusion, we understand that
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a large
number
Use synonyms
 of plaything is good for the
children
Use synonyms
 when makes their minds active
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 have a bad
effect
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s behaviour.
Submitted by Fa Ha on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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