Young people these days tend to be less polite and respectful than in the past. What are the causes and give your solutions ?

In current times, the adult generation of the Community is behaving in a very aggressive manner. They even forget how to respect others.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
problem is only rising
just
Rephrase
apply
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because of the hectic schedule of their life
as well as
too much Involvement in technical breakthroughs.
This
article will shed light on its common factors and
also
provide suitable solutions for them in the following paragraphs. To commence with, Some causes behind
this
problem. First and foremost, excessive usage of technological innovations
such
as mobile phones, computers and video games. only for these ,
gadgets
Add a comma
gadgets,
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they spend little or even negligible time on outdoor activities like social events and gatherings. Ultimately, they never learn the ability to accept and coordinate. Another factor is the current sedentary lifestyle which is followed by almost every single person in
this
materialistic world just to earn bread and butter to live a Convenient life. Where both parents are working and there is no one who can look after the children and teach them valuable ethics.
On the other hand
,
this
issue can be eradicated with some practical measures. For the prior one, people should limit themselves to these innovations.
Along with
it, they should
also
involve themselves in Community
get together
Correct your spelling
get-togethers
and routine socialising activities.
Moreover
, problems generated by busy lifestyles Can be Eliminated by shifting towards a joint family structure as the elders look after the young ones and
also
inculcate moral values in them. A finding,
for example
, revealed that kids who are living with their grandparents are more respectful and polite. In conclusion, though there are various Causes supporting
this
issue like excess access to technological products and criteria of modern living standards
Yet
Correct word choice
apply
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these
are
Unnecessary verb
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can be curbed by putting some limits on their usage
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and living in a huge bubble of the family circle.
Submitted by paulankush05 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack a clear and cohesive connection to the body paragraphs. There is some attempt at linking ideas, but it is not consistent throughout the essay.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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