IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think giving time to career improvement is more important, others believe giving time to family and friends is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #improvement #friends
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It is argued that some individuals believe
people
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 should spend most of their
time
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 beside their family members and
friends
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,
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however
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,however
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 some others beg to differ; they believe
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career
Add an article
a career
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 is much more important and
people
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 should spend enough
time
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 to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
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 it. In my opinion, both viewpoints are logical, but obviously improving
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career
Correct pronoun usage
my career
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 is a priority. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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,essay
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 both views will be discussed.
For
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In
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 the beginning, some
people
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 are interested to spend more
time
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 with their family, feeling it
more
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is more
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 helpful, and more interesting. Spending more
time
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within
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with
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 family and
friends
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 has numerous benefits
such
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 as, having more fun and getting relaxed.
For instance
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, a short trip or even a picnic with
friends
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 or family would help
people
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 to clear their
mind
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minds
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, and it provides
people
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a
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with a
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great memory.
In addition
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, some
people
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 prefer to spend more
time
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 with their
friends
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 and family, feeling
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
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about
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for
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 them and their problems, so they would spend much more
time
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 around them to make them happy, and keep them away from disasters.
On the other hand
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, some individuals believe that
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career
Correct article usage
a career
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 is more important, so
people
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 should spend more
time
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for
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on
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 that. In the main
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time
Add a comma
,time
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 all
people
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 are trying to improve themselves in different fields,
such
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 as occupation.
Obviously
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,Obviously
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 it is logical for
people
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 to spend more
time
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to enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
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 their skills in order to improve their
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
firstly
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,
people
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 should do their best to conquer the rivalries in societies.
For
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instance
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,instance
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 a job opportunity needs a large portion of
time
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 and a professional
career
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.
Secondly
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, it is about an instinct in humans. Making
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
go on and try their best, they believe they should be useful and get better every day, occasionally spending more
time
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to
Change preposition
on
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 their
career
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 is the most effective way for them to reach their desires. In conclusion, there is a conflict among
people
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. Some
people
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 believe
people
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 should allocate more
time
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 to their family and
friends
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, while some others say
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career
Correct article usage
a career
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 is absolutely more important, which needs more
time
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
career
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 is always prior to everything else, in order to improve
our selves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
 and get better every day.
Submitted by Bardiaa.alaeddini on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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