SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC, ART AND DRAMA ARE MORE IMPORTANT AS OTHER SCHOOL SUBJECTS, ESPECIALLY AT PRIMARY LEVEL. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#people #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level

Leisure

time

is important for

people

to recover from stress and relax. There is a wide range of

activities

that

people

usually spend

time

on during their spare

time

. Many

people

choose to spend their

time

engaging in

activities

that train their attention, whereas others prefer to engage in passive

activities

. In

this

essay, I will discuss both points of view and will give my opinion as follows.Reading, word puzzles

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and yoga are examples of hobbies that some

people

believe are beneficial to their health and minds.

People

believe that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

joining in these

activities

, they can help

people

enhance their attention span and stay focused on their daily life.

As a result

, some

people

believe that they should spend their free

time

participating in these

activities

On the other hand

, it is undeniable that each individual has a unique method of recharging energy. Some

people

for example

, enjoy physical

activities

or extreme sports, but others relax by listening to music and watching movies.

As a result

, there is no right or wrong answer to

this

question. Considering

this

, if

people

who like extreme sports had to spend their free

time

doing meditation or gardening, they would feel good about the opportunity to better their minds, but the amount of their happiness would be different.

As a result

, we cannot impose our ideas on others. Everyone is free to do anything they want and whatever is best for them. In conclusion, I believe that spending leisure

time

doing hobbies is a personal choice.

People

should be able to select how they want to refuel their energy without being

labeled

Change the spelling

labelled

show examples

as helpful or worthless.

Submitted by krongporn.c on Thu Sep 15 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC, ART AND DRAMA ARE MORE IMPORTANT AS OTHER SCHOOL SUBJECTS, ESPECIALLY AT PRIMARY LEVEL. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

a museum near your home is looking for people to do part-time voluntary/unpiad work. You would like to do some voluntary/unpaid work at the museum. Write a letter to the museum director to apply for the voluntary/unpaid work.

Some people think that radio has become out-of-date, and there is no need to listen to the radio for entertainment and news. Do you agree or disagree?

People have different views on how to reduce traffic congestion. Some think that governments should build more train and subway lines, while others think that building more roads and widening existing roads will reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?