SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC, ART AND DRAMA ARE MORE IMPORTANT AS OTHER SCHOOL SUBJECTS, ESPECIALLY AT PRIMARY LEVEL. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
Leisure
time
is important for people
to recover from stress and relax. There is a wide range of activities
that people
usually spend time
on during their spare time
. Many people
choose to spend their time
engaging in activities
that train their attention, whereas others prefer to engage in passive activities
. In this
essay, I will discuss both points of view and will give my opinion as follows.Reading, word puzzles,
and yoga are examples of hobbies that some Remove the comma
apply
people
believe are beneficial to their health and minds. People
believe that by
joining in these Change preposition
apply
activities
, they can help people
enhance their attention span and stay focused on their daily life. As a result
, some people
believe that they should spend their free time
participating in these activities
.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that each individual has a unique method of recharging energy. Some people
, for example
, enjoy physical activities
or extreme sports, but others relax by listening to music and watching movies. As a result
, there is no right or wrong answer to this
question. Considering this
, if people
who like extreme sports had to spend their free time
doing meditation or gardening, they would feel good about the opportunity to better their minds, but the amount of their happiness would be different. As a result
, we cannot impose our ideas on others. Everyone is free to do anything they want and whatever is best for them.
In conclusion, I believe that spending leisure time
doing hobbies is a personal choice. People
should be able to select how they want to refuel their energy without being labeled
as helpful or worthless.Change the spelling
labelled
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite